My son is an eating wonder :0)

The tides shifted in the brief time I was gone to visit my grandmother. A less than 48 hour trip to Virginia (to love on my 78 year old recent surgery victim grandmother mind you) my daughter decided to undo all the sleepy night time goodness we had achieved since moving. Apparently, our neighbors across the street had a party and this was upsetting to poor Baby Girl. Maybe because she wasn't invited.

Last night, as ashamed as I am, I took the snot of tears to indicate that the store brand allergy medicine (drowsy formula) should be administered. Sleep was accomplished shortly before midnight.

She has also decided not to walk ANYWHERE, ANYMORE. We had a long morning in the grocery store that included her collapsing in the salsa aisle and removing her shoes, being shoved into the seat on the front of the cart and causing clerks to repeatedly ask HER if SHE was ok! What about me?!


But we did manage to have a nice evening with friends last night. No major crisis was initiated while we were eating. No one screamed in pain. No fist fights or threats of bodily harm were overheard.

So the upside to this downward swing is that now I have a couple of other people who may not be in the same boat, but are rowing near enough to sympathise. (Of course, when necessary, my empathy will be given to those on the other side.) :0)

I hope you all have had or will have wonderful holidays with your families and loved ones. I will be watching my kids on Christmas morning to see the things that make me love them even when they are despicable, snot coated, creatures.

Heather

Reading Rainbow

Recently, I was talking to a friend about my older sons reading choices. He likes graphic novels (comic book style), fantasy, sci-fi, and other things I have no understanding of. I have tried to steer his preferences to no avail. But it occurred to me as I was talking that I should not be critical of WHAT he is reading. I should simply revel in the fact that he does indeed read. As a matter of fact, all of my children share my love of books. Cory is almost as excited about a new book from the library as he is about what is for dinner/dessert/breakfast/snack.

Another friend asked me when I began to read. I honestly cannot remember a time I wasn't reading or thinking about reading. Books were the best thing in the whole world. I was a shy girl, I didn't travel, and until our move this summer I had lived in the same town for over thirty years. Books were where I learned about different people and how to respect them. I was able to visualize the other worlds and feel things that were new.

Books have always welcomed me with open arms. There are no socially awkward moments. I was able to, in a way, try on the skin of other people and their perspectives through the stories. I hope it has made me better than I might have been.

I will try to be less bothered by what they choose to read and more encouraged that they love to do it. I hope they find friends in the stories; worlds that help them figure out who they really want to be.

Moms in the Mob

Against all odds, a frappucino drink that was brought into this house less than 8 hours ago is still sealed and intact. I believe the oldest boy was so offended that I would not allow him to ingest ALL of the thirty some cookies I baked today that he went on a hunger strike. (But it would have to last years to make up for the dent his regular eating has made in the food supply.)However, recent actions on his part may make it possible to send him on an "extended holiday". Please don't be alarmed if he is not mentioned or seen for a while. :0)

My friend noted that I was carrying "the bloody mermaid shoes" in my van. She was not using a British term, the shoes are actually bloody. What can I say, the girl is dedicated to fashion at the cost of her own precious feet.

The middle child was able to perform his puking martyr act this morning. As he kneeled on the floor of his room, wretching uncontrollably, he managed to firmly state, " i'm ok. I think it was the Baked Cheez Bits. "

Neighbor/friend Jenny has announced that Daniel is now betrothed to her daughter. This is in an effort to induce all night sleep. Good luck to the new couple! I have offered our "Blue Room" as the bridal suite. There the two happy lovebirds can quibble over what cartoons to watch, whose turn it is to jump on the bed, and any miscellaneous paper tubes. Just like all your average American couples these days.

Night all
Heather

Oh Come All Ye Faithful

I asked a friend if Jesus was mentioned in the song Joy to the world after she mentioned her son (they keep a Jewish household)had learned the song and referenced Baby Jesus at home. I began to hum the tune and then sing the words... Joy to the world, all the boys and girls, joy to the fishies in the deep blue sea, joy to you and me.

I was the slightest bit mortified to discover that this was the wrong song. Apparently, I have not been brushing up on my Christmas carols and have only been listening to the oldies station where Three Dog Night is a popular choice.

I have completed the first of two quilts for my Dad. If I don't finish the second for Christmas he will never know. He doesn't read this blog (or any that I know of). He also doesn't know I planned to quilt two. YAY.

Quick survey:
What is the song you were most mortified to learn you were singing all the wrong lyrics to?

My personal favorite is hearing someone sing:

Blinded by the light
Wrapped up like a douche in the middle of the night!

Night all
Heather

Confessions of a Christmas Madwoman

Things have been quiet on the blog front. But now I have BIG news. I hornswaggled, nagged, bothered, interrogated my sweet husband to the brink of insanity and the payoff was huge. It was revealed to me what he had gotten me for Christmas.

His first mistake was telling me he had THE gift. That he was going to get up at 4:30am on Black Friday and SHOP for THE gift. This peaked my interest.

I guessed about THE gift, he laughed. He refused to confirm or deny.

I snooped and found no evidence.

Then, he bought THE gift. While he was on the phone with his father and sufficiently distracted, I stole his wallet. There was the pot of gold. A sticky note with websites..... Wooohoooo!
He was sad. He insisted he would not give me THE gift until Christmas.

So I made him an offer he couldn't refuse. And now I am in possession of my very own..........

LAPTOP!

OH the joy! I had originally asked for one when I started college. Now that I am waiting for the youngest to start kindergarten to resume that higher level of education I will play tons of internet backgammon and solitaire.


Sorry Ted,
Heather

Dumpster Cats

I Googled my name (and my family members names) today. I was bored and checking on my teenagers antics. I found this:

To: fhp@hsmv.state.fl.us
Received: Via E-Mail
My name is Heather Porterfield and I had occasion to travel thru the town of Yulee on I-95. I stopped at a convenience store/souvenier stand (Wayfara) with my two children and my mother on our way back to West Virginia. I locked my keys in my car and had to walk across the street to an Exxon station to call a locksmith. No one was answering and I was becoming afraid. I thought if perhaps I called the police, I could get a suggestion about what to do next. This was on June 16, 2003 at about 7:30 or 8pm. I called information and obtained the number for Highway Patrol. The man that answered my call was very helpful. Although no actual police could assist me, he called each of the 3 local locksmiths and I was on my way by 8:30pm. His assistance was invaluable as I was unsure of how to proceed at that time. We were hundreds of miles from home, but I want to thank that man for his kindness. I did not catch his name, but please pass along my sincere gratitude.
Heather PorterfieldPinch WV




This happened while my mother, two kids, age 3 and 12, were stopped at a tourist trap that had no actual payphone of its own. The payphone I made the call from was across a four lane highway and about waist high. Did I mention it was next to the Exxon dumpster that was filled and crawling with what I can only define as "dumpster cats". At one point, I called my husband collect AT WORK to cry. I felt that letting that police officer know just how grateful I was needed to be a priority.

Now feel free to mock me.

Heather P

My friend Jenny is a literary guru. She recommended an author, the books are great. Melanie digs poetry and is smart enough to get it. I have some books I have read, they may be ones you'll like, but I take no blame if they suck in your opinion. I tend to pick oddball things that are not beloved by all.

John Irving books... my favorite is The World According to Garp. (The only downside to John Irving is his references to the sport of wrestling. I want to go into a coma reading about wrestling.)

Fannie Flagg... all good. Very much the books you want to read to laugh out loud and live longer.

Wally Lamb.. he only has two books. She's Come Undone (my favorite) and This Much I Know Is True. His third book is actually a compilation of short stories from women in his prison class.

A Girl Named Zippy. I don't remember the author, but I enjoyed. She also wrote a kids book, but it just freaked me out.

As a young teen, I read a very thick book on Negro folklore. I enjoyed it but don't know the title.

I also enjoy any historical books about Harriet Tubman (did you know she was narcoleptic?) and Lizzie Borden (she didn't do it and the little poem about forty whacks and an ax are totally inaccurate.)

Night All

I must go dream about how weird I am.
Heather

Ooopsies

My daughter held me hostage today. I was forced to change liquid poop and practice the ancient art of foot binding with leftover ribbons we found in my craft crate. During the day, she wore a bow in her hair, had a Ms. America sash, was a present, and a Native American. It was great.

The oldest added an entire package of Hormel pepperoni to a can of Chef Boyardee's ABC pasta with meatballs. Then he washed it down with eggnog and ate some mini chocolate chip Teddy Grahams. (Shiver, gulp, grimace.)

The middle child was sent to the principals office for punching two of his friends while his entire grade was at the Clay Center. He bloodied one boys lip. He may or may not make it to Christmas. But I am definitely calling Santa.

My children have nothing on me, however. I destroyed a beloved toy of my friends child. I will be dreaming of my failure to maintain socially acceptable behavior at the homes of others tonight. I think I must go searching on Ebay for its replacement. In lieu of that, perhaps I can interest her in a Wiggles/Lazytown dance pad.

Personal Rantings

This blog entry is my own personal rant this evening. Sorry if it is not entertaining.

I despise adult acne.

I think toddler poop should be outlawed.

I think I should not have to change my toddler's diaper and wear my own diaper in the same day.

I think I should never have another UTI for the rest of my natural life.

I wish there was a pill to make teenagers brains work during their teenage years.

I wish my son didn't like to eat things that make my house smell like a fishing wharf/grease pit.

I am however grateful for friends that find deals at local discount stores and friends that I can call and rant a little to when I don't have time to blog.

I think models should all be a size 18. (Like me)

Cookies are good; I am going to eat them. They will not make me feel guilty. Rest assured!

Night all
Heather

There is something wrong with this picture

So first we need to establish that I am not the timing queen. Then we will proceed to the story.

Yesterday, neighbor Jenny invited me to a local glass factory with her family and friend. We all traveled in my van (spacious indeed). The trip was nice, goods were purchased, conversation was had aplenty. We even spotted bikers soliciting for money in the street. All very nice normal outing experiences.

But somehow on the way back, I started to talk about my older son. When he was born, he had a condition called pyloric stenosis that required surgery when he was four weeks old. Part of that particular story involves me telling the listener that I was sixteen when he was born. Now, I am not embarassed or ashamed of that fact, but I mentioned that my younger son was going to have a hard time adjusting to reality when he figured that out. In his mind, the only way a baby gets born is when people are married and old. I said all of this out loud. Then I realized his four year old best friend was still in the back seat.

My prayer last night involved Eleanor and minute amounts of memory loss. Don't worry Jenny, I was very specific, so I don't think she will suddenly lose the ability to chew or anything.

Thanks again for the outing.

Heather

PS ALWAYS be aware of your copilots when storytelling!!!!

Tubes and other forgotten treasures

Today I was reduced to a laughing heap because my son Daniel had a nervous breakdown over a paper towel tube. You read correctly, a paper towel tube. He shut down all responses, save for the hysterical crying, and that increased once the company he had left (for Paper Towel Tube related reasons.) So here is a list of things I am dumbfounded by from my children this week:




Cory/Adam can eat three soft tacos with pepperjack cheese and pepperoni as toppers. He washes this down with the largest glass we have full of eggnog. Lowfat eggnog. Then as the last bite is barely past his lips and falling down his throat he asks" Can I have some ice cream?"






Daniel (aside from melting down over household items) spent this entire evening wearing his new jacket. His rather heavy new jacket. When asked by Donutbabe if he wanted to take it off, he replied, No Thank You. Vehemently. BTW, their house is no where near the North Pole and they do have heat. Bless his heart.



Aurelia wants to tell me Daniel is at school every five minutes and then ask me if he is ok. She is never tired of that hobby. Although it does have a leg up on her farting obsession. She likes to pass the gas, proclaim ew, wave her butt and laugh. Not only does she look just like her father, well she acts just like him too. :0)


My children, gotta love em. I guess.




The right hand pic is Daniel after a park fall. In my mind, it was him today. :0)






For additional gift ideas, check out Jenny's link. She has several ideas as well. She has also been very bloggy today, considering she was witness to aforementioned Paper Towel Tube incident.







Night All



Heather

Please do not read todays post if you are already sad.

I am sad today. I was happy this morning. Nothing bad has happened in my family. Everyone is well. But I am still sad.

The View had a special today about adopting out of the foster care system. There are so many children that need good, safe homes. I always thought I would be one of those people. But I didn't marry a man with the same views in that area (he is no less a good man, but he isn't up to that challenge.) Then I realized that I may not be up to it either. I spend portions of my day wondering how I can be shed of my own children. That realization coupled with the overwhelming number of needy children makes me sad.

I went to Walmart for a few things this evening. On the way, I noticed the cemetery man again. Just seeing him makes me sad (even though I have seen a couple of ladies there talking to him on two separate occasions.). But on the way home, I drove slowly, considering whether I would stop if he was still there. I had seen him there on a rainy day holding his umbrella over the flowers on the grave and it nearly broke my heart. As I drove past, he was still there, sitting by the flowers. He leaned over, kissed the gravestone, and laid down on the ground. I cried. There was no way I could intervene with good conscience in that moment. Maybe I shouldn't be concerned at all. But I feel as if this a test of my personal constitution. I don't believe we are tested by higher powers. We aren't that important. But I believe we test ourselves. I don't know if I am passing. It doesn't look good tonight.

I count my blessings for each of you who care about me and mine. I care deeply for all of you and hope you are well tonight.

Love
Heather

Christmas Shopping Tips

I have been loathed by my close friends for years because of my advance planning for holidays. I like to be prepared and find appropriate and heartfelt gifts. I also like to milk my dollar. I have compiled for those of you still shopping a list of my favorite shopping links, as well as a few that I have yet to test.

1. Ebay---- if you brainstorm about the person you are shopping for, you will find something, oftentimes for a dollar or so, that they will love and cherish.

2. Overstock.com---especially good for electronics

3. Big Lots---You may have to go several times, but there is usually something worth buying.

4. yorkphoto.com----you can have personalized gifts made with your own photos for reasonable prices and fast shipping.

5. photostamps.com---- you can turn treasured family photos into useful postage stamps. Good for those relatives far away.

6. Clearance bins of any sort---This requires some time and ingenuity, but never pass up a clearance bin without a good solid look through.

7. Memory gifts----These also require a little thought, but the recipient will feel very loved (or so we hope). You just assemble a three ring binder with pictures and stories about the loved one and decorate.

8. Handmade gifts---With the help of stores like Michaels and AC Moore, even fairly unhandy people like myself can assemble a clock or paint some ornaments for a loved one.

9. Gifts.com----this search engine will show you what people in your loved ones general demographic might enjoy. Many of these items will be overpriced, but there is an occasional item that is either affordable or triggers another idea.

10. Gift certificates or cash---many people dislike these as impersonal gifts, but difficult to buy for loved ones may appreciate not getting those singing boxer shorts or dancing/singing fish to hang on the wall.

Enjoy my tips. But friends and family, please don't buy for me and mine. We are attempting to teach our children that Christmas is a time for sharing love and time with family and friends, not anxiously (and greedily) planning out what their haul might be.

Night all and Happy Holidays!
Heather

MMMMM MMMM Good

I drove my youngest son to Charleston today for a check up with his ear, nose, and throat doctor. (He had tubes put in and his adenoids removed shortly before we moved.) When I arrived at the doctors office I had one of those "DOH" moments when the receptionist said his appointment isn't until the 30th. At least I got to see my mom for about an hour.

Our neighbor was over today with her little girl and commented on Adam's appetite. I am so glad I am not the only one to see that he is a walking hunger pain! After wolfing down a sandwich in record time, he went to Baskin Robbins and came back with TWO large shakes. The order ahead of his was messed up, so they gave it to him. Oy!

I am baking brownies. I will eat too many. I wonder where my son gets his eating habits.

Heather

The Good The Bad and The UGLY

Good news first:

Adam/Cory was randomly drug tested yesterday and was spotless. Yippee!

And although his school bus was in a minor accident yesterday, no one was injured! Double Yippee!

Aurelia did not have to have shots at our appointment this week. No more until she is FOUR!

Ted is on the mend from his unfortunate bout with a stomach virus.

Bad news:

Daniel didn't like being told no, so he went to sleep.

Eleanor came to play, he assumed non-talking mode.

Ugly news:

After a routine inspection of his folders, it was discovered that Adam had seen a movie called Orgazmo last year in school. (Via a note he had). Did I mention this is a movie about two porn stars--- one wears a phallus on his head! Rated NC-17?!

Noticing a disturbing lack of towel-like laundry coming from the aforementioned Adam's room, I asked him how he had been drying off after baths. Now, as a standard rule, I expect the answers I get from my children to be totally void of logic and try to brace myself. But the following conversation leaves me speechless:

Me: How are you drying yourself?

Adam: I've been airdrying as the water drains.

Me: (pause, blink) But where are the washcloths? How are you washing?

Adam: I've been using the sponges you bought for me to scrub my tub with.

Me: (scratch head, blink, furrow brow) The ones you are supposed to throw away every couple of uses?

Adam: OH?!

(Ted in the background shaking his head)

Me: From now on, let it be known that you MUST use a towel and washcloth every time you bathe. Clean ones!

Ted: (puzzled, puzzled look) Why haven't you been using a towel?

Adam: You didn't bring any to my room..........................................................................

Ted: WHAT!?!?!?! @^%&$*(&%&, You are FIFTEEN!!!! (the rest was unintelligible.....)

The remainder of the evening Ted and I shook our heads and pondered if we can survive the 2 years, 10 months, and 19 days until he is a legal adult. But then we have to consider, the littlest one will still be here, blowing our minds, for at least another, 15 years, 9 months, and 13 days. Yippee!

Heather

A rose by any other name

I have been asked about my daughters unusual name nearly every day. Most recently, my neighbor Chris asked where it came from. I gave the standard short version ,"It was my great grandmothers name." But I will use this venue to further expand on the origin and meaning of her name.

I have two older sons and desperately wanted a girl. My oldest should thank the stars above he was born male (I had the delusion I would name a daughter Heaven Leigh.... way too much VC Andrews in my teenage years). I wanted to name this much desired daughter after my great grandmother. I was fortunate enough to have her in my life until I was 23 years old. I miss her.

When deliberating middle names (because I just couldn't use the Agnes that was Granma's middle name), Elizabeth was my first choice. My grandmother (Original Aurelia's daughter) likes to think I named her Elizabeth after Original Aurelia's sister. Libby was the same age as my Granma Frances and they were more like sisters. The name is actually the middle name of my best friend from childhood (Laura).

Now the meaning of her names combined is the equivalent of "Golden Oath to God". Not intended, but great nonetheless.

Aurelia is also the name of Julius Caesar's mother, a city in Iowa, a genus of jellyfish, a synonym for chrysalis, a hymn by Samuel Sebastion Wesley, a crater on Venus, a hypothetical Earth-sized planet orbiting a red dwarf star, a ship in the US Navy, the first Portugese gay dictionary (circa 2006), an 1855 book by Gerard Nerval, and a northwestward road in Rome.

I have no further comment.

Heather

Puke O Rama

The last few days have been a tad on the icky side. My youngest two children have had some puke-o-licious partying and I have been on the wrong side of that party. Windows have been flung open, doors have been left ajar, laundry has been washed and rewashed, Febreze and enzyme odor eaters abound, baths have been given (ad nauseum), and teeth have been brushed. I believe we are over the hump. But, for those of you who have experienced sick children, no amount of tooth brushing will rid the breath of a pukey kid. So to that end, I dedicate todays blog lyrics (a song by the INFECTIOUS GROOVES, You lie and yo breath stank) to my children!!

A clip of the following song can be played from this link:
http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/B0000027KR/alaskajimcom03-20

You lie and yo breath stank you lie and yo breath stank
Save your time don't give me that speech
And use that time to go brush your teeth
A good mouthwash would be a start
Cause your breath done smell like your mouth done a fart

You lie and yo breath stank
So bad it makes it hard to think
You lie and yo breath stank
Smells just like it's a septic tank
You lie and yo breath stank you lie and yo breath stank

Damn homeboy won't you chew on some gum
ou smell like a mixture of chili dogs and rum
Don't be cheap and just chew on a stick
Throw in the whole pack and chew on it quick

You lie and yo breath stank
So bad it makes it hard to think
You lie and yo breath stank
Rolls me over like a Sherman tank
You lie and yo breath stank you lie and yo breath stank
Open your mouth the whole room stunk
You need a chisel to hammer off the funk
Your breath would turn a shirt into lint
So do us all a favor and suck on a mint

You lie and yo breath stank you lie and yo breath stank
Open your mouth just another lie
What's that smell did somethin' die
A funky kind of stank that makes you go phew
Took a wiff straight out it was coming from you

You lie and yo breath stank
So bad it makes it hard to thank
You lie and yo breath stank
So bad damn your breath is rank

Damn yo breath stank

Night all
Heather

Reasons my husband loves me

My husband is a nice man. Why he married me is a mystery. I recounted, just yesterday, the romantic tale of our nuptials to my neighbor, Jenny. See, Ted and I never "dated". We met while he was in college and I was a working stiff. We remained friends for years. He decided that if he was going to get married, he'd like to marry me. I decided against that offer. The next year, we were cleaning up at his house after cooking out (still totally not dating) and I said "Why not?!" Two months later, we were wed. In between the decision and the BIG DAY, we had discussions about life issues, just to be sure we were on the same page. We discussed our political views, plans for future children, where we would live, who had what pre-existing debt and assets, you know romantic junk. I clearly remember saying to him,"I am not a nice woman and I don't really plan to get any nicer." I am pretty sure he wasn't paying attention.



Here are five reasons my husband loves me:



1. I enjoy cookies. This means I am now comfortable with my body and not frequently asking, "Do I look fat?"

2. I want to paint our SuperBeetle an iridescent tie dye and install a singing horn.

3. I buy remote control rats (only when they are 50% off post-Halloween)

4. I fall for his goofy jokes, because I am gullible. (Ex: Ted says to me, you know why they sing that song don't you? I respond, Why? Ted says, So you don't have to! ARGH)

5. He can't remember his own birthday, but when asked I can give all his info, his parents info, his family tree, his SAT scores, etc.



Five things my husband loves me in SPITE of:



1. I am an inch taller than him.

2. I give him cake when he says he is fat.

3. I love to scare him.

4. I sing the Hippo song six months out of the year.

5. Even when I know I am wrong, I will insist I am correct just to irritate him. This causes him to doubt his rightness and waiver in his opinion. HEHEHEHE





The next time you see Ted, give the poor boy a hug!

Heather

Longlasting Friendship

Recently, I completed a crochet project (blanket) for my longtime friend E. I had searched high and low to find an appropriate poem or quote to go with a handmade gift. I could not find one relevant to my need so I wrote a simple poem (posted before, but posted again):

What began as balls of string
Has now become this single thing
Imperfect as I know it may be
May it always remind you a little of me
Every stitch and imperfection
Was made for you with my affection.

When E received the blanket and poem, she tweaked it and promised to send me her revised version that would apply to me as the sender. I received that yesterday and it goes like this:

What began as balls of string
Has become a lovely thing.

(As if I needed this white and blue
To always remind me of you.)

Every stitch with love and care
Made for me, for the love we share.



I am certain her version is the best.

I have been friends with E since I was eighteen. She was a coworker at AT&T (my first REAL job). I haven't worked with her for over ten years. But I think about her every day. She is a true lady and I am blessed to have her in my life.

I would like to tell all of you that are dear to me how much I appreciate you. Friendship (in its truest form) is necessary for all of us. At first glance or impression, we may dismiss potential friends. I am fortunate that E did not dismiss me as a naive teenager or transitional co-worker. She took the time to know me and seemed to believe I was worth knowing. I am fortunate to have a diverse base of friends spanning all ages, many religions, various incomes, and sundry lifestyles.

Having friends who are much like ourselves is a great thing. I wholeheartedly support the practice. I have learned, however, that many of my most important and valuable life lessons have come to me through the diversity of my friends.

Thank you, E! You rock!

Useless knowledge

This post may highlight my deep knowledge of useless information, but I am very often thinking of an episode of Green Acres lately. Remember Green Acres? Eva Gabor, Arnold Ziffle...? No, just me? Oh well.

Anyway, the episode stuck in my head centers around Eva Gabor's character (Lisa) had advertised for Eddie Albert's character (Oliver Wendall Douglas). He was an attorney on the show and at that time it was considered unethical (perhaps even illegal) to advertise for clients. He was quite upset with Lisa. (Background music in my head is the theme song!)

Now, in 2006, I see Danny Cline and Jan Dils commercials and find myself humming their damn jingles in the car. PUH LEASSSSE! I would like to see someone invent a filter to keep that crap out of my head. You see, I suffer from useless knowledge-osis. Go ahead and ask me some obscure question that is so totally not relevant to any topic of current conversation. I will probably know the answer. My mother once asked me to remember the kind of wood that some cabinets she admired were made from. Years later, after she decided against her previous kitchen remodel (and had moved from that house), I can be shopping with her or eating dinner and I will have an unstoppable need to say "The cabinets were PECAN!"

As far as Green Acres goes, even though the final season aired four years before I was born, how can you not watch a show based in HOOTERVILLE?

Heather

Halloween and Hippos

Halloween is officially over. We made the rounds. The goods were safely received and distributed (rain aside). Pumpkins house was viewed---well worth it! I have gotten a glimpse of my younger sons future as a stalker as he deposited a love note for his friends dad in the cloak of night into their mailbox. OY! I have realized multiple times over this week (and in my lifetime) that I am OH SO NOT a socially acceptable person. But I don't mind. I will take my children to buy fart machines and secretly pray the batteries die quickly. I will say what pops into my head and then wonder if awkward silences were caused by my statements. I have children--- my mental filters have been removed. I am forced to utter sentences like "Don't poop in the corner" and "Please don't eat the food you find under the couch!" I would apologize and try harder to be prim, but I sort of don't care. I do when I am around multiple other civilized people and I am clearly the least of those. But otherwise, I'm pretty much ok.

Now that Halloween is over, it is definitely the season for the HIPPO SONG!!! The radio station in Charleston would start playing Christmas songs on Thanksgiving day all the way through Christmas. The hippo song starts now and lasts through my birthday in this house. Below are the link and the words!!! Enjoy!!

Heather

http://www.newbie.com/Christmas/Hippo/i_want_a_hippopotamus_for_christmas.html

Meows

I recently gave a BRIEF thought to adopting a kitty for the meow obsessed Aurelia. While I was browsing through the available critters on petfinder.com I noticed that a white kitten was not available until November. This is because of fears about bad things being done at Halloween to black and white cats. According to the below story from Idaho, it extends to white bunnies there too. (THIS IS ONLY AN ARTICLE ABOUT AN UPCOMING LAW, NOT AN ANIMAL CRUELTY ARTICLE)

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20061028/ap_on_fe_st/black_cat_adoptions

It's the Great Pumpkins, Charlie Brown!

Party day was a chaotic success! Rain be damned, those kids were getting their sugar fix! Be forewarned that if Daniel knocks on your door Halloween night, he is a superhero NOT an exceptionally endowed bosomy country star!






I also forced the family into the rain for a sneak peek at the PUMPKIN HOUSE!! After Donutbabe told me Ellen Degeneres was there Friday, it had to be done!!! JOY and GLEE, I drove and Ted (the better photographer in the family) was made to capture these images:









I plan to go back Monday evening to check out the joint in all of its festive wonder!! Let me know if you would like to ride along!!

Heather

Spooky Spooky

An interesting couple of websites listed in this Yahoo odd news article. Type in your information and see what it predicts your day of death as. I am likely to live until as last as March 10, 2069 (a ripe old 93). One of the slightly less friendly sites had my demise occurring in my seventies as I lay napping on a railroad track. Check them out, I used my husbands name on the nutty site and he is supposed to go at 39 during a malfunction in a highly exciting job?! Happy Halloween ;)

Also, anyone who can tell me more about the man, Ric Griffith, and his pumpkin extravaganza in Kenova will instantly win a giant hug (or prize of equal value). I MUST see the 16 by 16 foot wall of pumpkins flashing to the 1812 overture and I am certain Aurelia will LOVE the cat choir. I plan to drive by this place at least three (perhaps hundred) times!

Heather

Somebody Stop Me

In the past week, I have done a great many things. Many of them were little and don't amount to much, but a few were great (at least to me.) I spent time with my mother (she is doing better), I called my in-laws more often, I completed my crochet afgan for E. After completing the aforementioned afghan, I tried to find a poem or saying about homemade or crocheted gifts given with love online. I was unsuccessful.... so, I wrote one. It is by no means Emily Dickinson or Robert Frost but it served its purpose. My friend was very pleased with the afghan and has promised to send me her version of the poem. The original is this:

What began as balls of string
Has now become this single thing
Imperfect as I know it may be
May it always remind you a little of me
Every stitch and imperfection
Was made for you with my affection.

Please feel free to mock it!!

In other noteworthy achievements, I finished a pillow for Aurelia I started when she was born and her Raggedy Ann doll I bought as a Christmas gift last year (a put it together yourself kit). Today was the construction paper jack o lantern with Daniel's class and that went well. Tomorrow is the Fall Party (EEEEK) and in the meantime, I have baked cookies and am crocheting dishcloths for my aunt. This streak must end. Really, or I may have to check in somewhere for a "vacation"!!

These are some very strange videos that I happen to think are quite amusing. You also, you may not. I love you anyway!




http://www.rathergood.com/fishy/

or my very favorite for absolutely no good reason

http://www.rathergood.com/gaybar/

Live Love Laugh

I read a story to the kids tonight called ," I miss you, Stinkyface." I love those books. But as I was reading about how the boys mama would catch a cheetah to race her home to him my voice cracked. I was missing my mom. Now, my mom is perfectly fine (save the cough she can't shake) and sitting in her house in Charleston. But I was missing more specifically the past mom and childhood. I can't consciously remember my mother reading to me, but I know she read hundreds of stories. I miss spending every Saturday night at my granma's house. I am already missing my children as they grow and need me less. I want the freedom, I crave it don't get me wrong. But I think we all know that when we are little we really want to be big and when we get big we miss being little. I miss not realizing there were bad things in the world. I miss never thinking my most loved could some day leave this world. I want to believe that we can live forever in good health and spirits again. But being grown up and knowing otherwise, I will read Stinkyface books, smell my kids hair, look at them when they sleep, call my mom and granma more, and try to appreciate every good thing as long as I can.

But if Peter Pan could bring me some of that magic dust, I'd be on the fast train to Neverland!


Heather

Autumn on my street

Many developments over the weekend. A friend has visited for the weekend. Jenny up the street says her mom is now reading my blog too! HI JENNY'S MOM! We have acquired more free furniture and it is actually useful. I spotted the cemetery man again while my friend was with me. She said she would stop if there weren't kids in the car. There are never not kids in the car. I busted my oldest in a few deceptions, but he wasn't doing drugs or planning any sort of mass destruction, so I guess I still love him.

In more serious news, my mother still has a horrendous cough after her surgery. She had her follow-up appointment with the local cardiologist and came away feeling let down. He didn't give this cough or her condition the attention and treatment I believe he should have. He discussed her condition with her sister (while she was in another room) but failed to have any meaningful disclosure with her. I could hear the shakiness in her voice and while she is usually the strong one, Monday morning some doctors are going to be talking to one persistent and perturbed daughter. I am hoping she feels up to going out for a short (or long if she feels well enough) drive to admire the changing leaves. I know she loves to see them. And I love her.

My father-in-law had his hip replacement this past week. They had to place bands around the top of the leg bone to keep it from cracking more. UGH. After the surgery they gave him over three pints of blood in two days. When they performed some tests to see why he was still weak and dizzy, they discovered a blood clot in his leg. So last night, after he sent his wife back to her brother's house for the night, they rushed in unexpectedly and placed a filter in his aorta. When I called this morning, they were hauling him off the physical therapy. And last I knew, they are going to replace the other hip within a week.

So in light of my mother and my father-in-law, I have NO problems. My life is 100%. I will be appreciative and grateful for every move I make. I will not complain..... until I forget that I don't have it bad. Unfortunately, my state of mind may wear off faster than I'd like. So if you catch me complaining, smack me and tell me to get over it. It COULD be WORSE!!

Heather

PS Saw the movies Click and Prairie Home Companion over the weekend and enjoyed Click about 3 stars (highlight of the movie involved David Hasselhoff in a body function scene) and Prairie Home Companion was an absolute snore. I love that radio show and was really set up in my mind to enjoy. Such is life.

We have survived Dentist Day! Now only six more months of waiting for the next one! Yippppeeee!

Yesterday, Ted's dad went under the knife for the umpteenth time since we have been married. His replacement hip was being put in. They found no signs of the infection that was there last time and plan to give him an entire week (gulp) before ripping out the hip on the other side and putting in another turbo hip. (In theory, so he won't break the "new" hip). The surgery started after 5 pm and we heard he was out of surgery around 9:15 or so. Peggy (my mom-in-law) says he was doing great, but it's hard to tell when someone is totally unconscious.

In other news, a teacher from my childhood elementary has been formally accused by the FBI of possessing child pornography on two of his computers (none in the school). I would not make a good juror for this man, because I am thoroughly convinced he has done more than stare at the pictures. His potential sentence for the crime he is currently accused of is up to 10 years in prison, $250,000 fine, lifetime supervised release, and the loss of his teaching license. If any victims have been watching the newscasts, I hope they step forward to see this man never gets out of jail. Just in case you haven't seen the news, he was a teacher at Pinch Elementary in Pinch, WV since around 1987 and his name is Garland Eary. The pictures were discovered in June of 2005 and from what I have heard, his wife was the one who turned him in. Bravo (if that was her first knowledge of his evil). I am not usually this hostile, but pedophiles make me crazy!

Last but OH so not least, Baby Girl peed in th potty voluntarily the other day! NO repeat activity, but we are hopeful!!!

Heather

So today is the DAY! D-Day! Dentist Day!! Excitement was in the air this morning! Tick Tick goes the clock until 3:30 is here.

Ok, now I have to say, I have had no comments for quite some time, and I am feeling lonely and downtrodden. Give a sister a shout out, gee whiz!

Heather

Between my house and Walmart, there is a cemetery alondside the road. Several times I have seen a man parked there sitting on the ground staring out over the rolling hills of people passed. The first time, was late in the summer and he was sitting near a new grave. Today, I passed him again. He had a black trash bag on the ground to sit on and his oxygen tank beside him. He looked so sad and I wanted to stop and offer some sort of comfort. But I just drove by. I am not sure if any words or deeds from myself would have helped him or if he was helping himself just by being there.

I am a goofy person who deals with every situation with comedy. Bad comedy, but comedy nonetheless. I am not a big cryer and I don't usually have words of value in times of strife. But I could have sat beside this stranger to be sure he was ok. But I went on to Walmart to buy stuff. I hope he isn't all alone. I will be thinking of him for a long time.

Would you have stopped?


Heather

Day in Summary

Daniel couldn't find either of his coats. He ended up wearing mine!
Aurelia stripped nude as a fond farewell to her visitors!
Cory and Daniel received excellent report cards! Two B's and the rest A's for Mr. Adam.
(Daniel was very highly praised in the comments area!)
I had to retrieve the oldest from the school due to a stubborn bus driver who refused to allow him to get off at his friends stop and simply returned him to the school instead!
The first night in my attempt to give Aurelia a standard bedtime that does not involve me holding her until she passes out was somewhat successful. The first go round she screamed for me for a few minutes, until giving up and screaming for Daddy! I went in comforted her, held her for a few more minutes, and then tucked her in again. More screaming, but less time. She was asleep by 9 pm.

NOW---more crocheting!

Heather

I am not a great crocheter. I only do flat, rectangular projects that involve single, double, or triple stitches. I can crochet two skeins into a blanket at once, but that is the height of my crochet skill. But I love to do it (when I can get Aurelia off of my lap).

I am two precious skeins away from completing my friend E's long-promised afghan. When I finish that, I have unearthed some unfinished quilting and sewing projects from last year. (A puppy printed blanket for Daniel and a Bessie Pease Gutmann print pillow for Aurelia) I believe these will subsidize my Christmas stash nicely.

A word to all who read: I cannot bind a quilt. So if you know someone who can, I will be in the market soon to bind three I think. Needle and thread, I can handle. Sewing machine, hospital trip.

Now to convince the kids it's a good thing that Mommy is otherwise occupied. Wish me luck.

Heather

There are several blogsites I would like to list as links, but I have no knowledge of how to do this. Any help would be appreciated. But for the moment, I will give you my longtime favorite
http://www.thesneeze.com/

The section titled STEVE, DON'T EAT IT is by far some of the best stuff ever.

And for true dedication from a friend check out today's story on the

http://www.thesmokinggun.com/

Halloween is coming, but the date October 18th cannot come and go fast enough! Since mid-September, my son, Daniel has known that he has a dentist appointment on that day. Now, you may think this is cause for panic attacks or passive restraint. Quite the opposite, my kids LOVE the dentist. Since Cory refused to let my regular dentist fill his cavity at age 5, I have taken my kids to a pediatric dentist. Even I wish I could go to this dentist. There are flat screen tv's over the dental chairs, theme rooms for more complicated procedures (i.e. Nascar), video games, air hockey and a kids slide in the waiting room. Who wouldn't love it?! But Daniel has asked 42,654 times a day since he realized when it would be, "How many more days til Oct. 18?" Now Cory/Adam, who is big enough to know this really peeves me, is in on the act! BTW, this is no reflection on the dentist, he is just doing a great job and my kids LOVE, did I mention, LOVE him.


http://www.wildaboutsmiles.com/


Well, once the visit is over, the countdown to Halloween will begin. Daniel is also a little OCD about his costume (which is in the backroom, shhhhh, don't tell him, or you know what I will hear everyday!!). He is going to be Spiderman with fiber optic lights on the chest and mask. In my day, we threw on Goodwill clothes, lots of trashy makeup, a little glitter, and called ourselves gypsies. Oh well. Aurelia was supposed to be Cookie Monster, but she refused to accept the costume should be worn. She only wanted to admire it from a safe distance. So back to Walmart, where we exchanged it for a leopard outfit that does not require her to put it over her head. I suspect that is why CM fell out of favor. But, she does love her some MEOW, so it will be just fine.

Daniel just asked me AGAIN how many more days til the dentist! Only five more days, but I am not sure he is going to live that long!

Heather

Today is Q & A. I will be answering several questions posed to me throughout my day.

The first question is "What is a pud?" The link below should shed some light on this.
http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=pud

Being unaware of the meaning, I called my six year old son a pud earlier this evening. This is because he was asking if he could have more of the gelato we bought from Gino's. The gelato's that is $5.95 per PINT and tastes no better than the stuff from Krogers. I advised each family member trying the gelato to SAVOR each drop because it would be their last (regardless of how it tasted). This brings us to question #2. What is gelato? See below:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gelato

Now the last question of the day has nothing to do with the first two. I once heard about a deterrent to sexual attackers and shared it with a friend the other day. The tidbit I shared was you should urinate or defecate on yourself and this SHOULD gross the attacker out. So the question begs is this effective? Well the advice below goes a little further. Take a look:


Preventing RapeIf you are in immediate danger of being raped, here are some things that you can do.
Make a loud noise - Carry a whistle or scream "police" to attract attention
Run - Only run if there is somewhere safe to run to. If there is no where to go you may aggravate the assailant further by running
Stall - Speak calmly and rationally. Try not to plead, cry or show that you're scared, this may be the reaction that he's going for.
Urinate or vomit - Do anything you can to repulse the assailant. Tell him that you have a STD or AIDS.
Fight - Women who resist attacks and act quickly are less likely to be raped, than those who are passive. The optimum time to react is in the first 20 seconds when the body releases chemicals in the blood that help to put up a fight. Be cautious if he has a weapon.
Keep alert - Even though it will be difficult, try to pay attention to as many details as possible, so that you can identify your assailant.
Get help - Call 9-1-1 as soon as possible. Police are becoming more willing to help victims of rape. You are not obligated to press charges or go to court.
Collect evidence - Do not bathe, shower, or douche. If you change clothes, put the clothes you were raped in into a bag and seal it.
Tell someone - Call the police, rape crisis counselor, telephone operator, friend. It is very important that someone knows and that it is not kept a secret.



Now I hope you all come away a little more informed about the world around you.
Nighty night
Heather

I recently went to the doctor to discuss just how bad I look on paper. When I list my ailments, I very much resemble a frail elderly woman. Make no mistake, with three children, I can ill afford to nurse any ailment (real or imagined). I manage just fine. I can cut apples and hold the big girl. I can unload 75% of the groceries from the car in one trip to keep her from running into the street (which to my dismay she does every chance she gets). I can lug three basketfuls of clean laundry up three flights of stairs to the "lair" a.k.a. land of Cory and his dirty drawers. I can help Daniel do his homework, while fighting off the girl and fixing dinner. But I cannot bend over gracefully or sit Indian style. The latter I have never been able to do.

So I go to the doctor and I say, "Relax, sit back, we'll be here awhile." I break out the list I made the night before because one of my mothering side effects is loss of memory with anything of importance regarding myself. After a good two hour visit with Mr. Doctor, I emerge with a novella of prescriptions. EGAD. My personal inclination toward pill taking is not to do it. I have always been reluctant to take even an ibuprofen. I just don't enjoy the thought of ingesting chemicals and I have never been tempted to take an illicit drug. But the thought of another fall down the stairs because of weak knees or a sleepless night because of a screaming back has gently persuaded me to at least try Mr. Doctor's solutions.

After picking up my sacks of Rx's from the lovely drive-thru window at Rite Aid, I start to read the information sheets that come with each one. I am looking for interactions they may have missed or side effects like uncontrollable diarrhea. Let me just say, what I read made me quite reluctant to take any of it. The side effects from one can cause the symptoms I am trying to avoid by taking another. And anytime this phrase...... can cause fatal (although rare) bleeding... are associated with something going in my body, anxiety is increasing!

Ideally, I could just power through the pain or inconvenience, like our grandparents did. But I am a big, fat wimp and I am caving. I would ask that you check to see I am not bleeding to death every other week though. Thanks :0)

Heather

For information on Juvenile Rheumatoid Arthritis (my particular affliction), you can visit
http://www.arthritis.org/conditions/DiseaseCenter/polyarticularJRA.asp
or for services provided to children with arthritis free of charge
http://www.shriners.com/Hospitals/_Hospitals_for_Children/

What drives me to take my kids to places where there are large numbers of other kids? Free stuff! I don't care what it is. If it is free, it is going home with me. Although, I am puzzled about the "girls" bag my daughter received today. It had a book on beauty tips (ok), and a Ziploc baggie from the Church Of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. Um, ?? I mean, it has several washcloths, two bars of soap, FOUR toothbrushes (adult sized), a comb, and a tube of off brand spearmint toothpaste. To this I say, WTF?

The event was the 35th anniversary of a child services organization. I am all for it. Why the care package that looks like it may have once been destined for a Katrina stricken Louisiana?

I guess our family will be squeaky clean (if we can convince Adam to wear clean drawers!) for at least a week. Quickly, come smell us, it won't last long!! LOL LMFAO

Thought you were gonna come here and live some humorous event vicariously through me? Well, now you know, I am just a crazy woman with DSL and a keyboard!!

Night all
Heather

Today I took my kids to a pumpkin party. It was great! Good food, new friends, no major snot producing meltdowns!! AND we have decorated pumpkins (even a carved one thanks to donutbuzz). Overall, five star good time.

Then we came home to get ready for Adam (I give up, I will call him Adam)'s first homecoming at his new school. Now, the boy claims to have two dates. I dunno. But he has all sorts of pre-dance activities planned (without parental consent). I say, no, you can go out to eat, I will take you, pick you up, deliver you to the school, and pick you back up at exactly 11pm. Not 11:01.

The plan evolves and we determine I will also be taking his friend and her date. No problem. I would rather do that than wonder about who he is with. But during his frenzy to get ready, I notice something. Something disturbing. Let's backtrack:

Yesterday, Adam's "band" gathered after school at our house. When they went up the stairs, I told Adam to pull up his pants because his red plaid boxers were VERY clear!!
Fast forward, two baths later, in the kitchen he stretches. His shirt rides up and what do I see peeking out of his sweatpants? NO, NOT THAT(sicko)..... the red plaid boxers!!!

I screeched "Are those the SAME underpants?" His guilty look revealed all. I chased him to his room with a bottle of bleach and a scrub brush. He's clean now. VERY clean.

Well, he's been carted off now. I hope he has a really good time. And I hope he changes his britches, on his own, before the next phase of the moon. I hope, anyway.

Heather

Lyrics for: Rock And Roll Lullaby

She was just sixteen and all alone
When I came to be
So we grew up together
My mama child and me
Now things were bad and she was scared
But whenever I would cry
She'd calm my fears and dry my tears
With a rock and roll lullaby
And she would sing sha na na na na na na na ...
It will be all right sha na na na na na....
Sha na na na na na na na ...Now just hold on tight
Sing it to me mama (mama mama ma)
Sing it sweet and clear,
ohMama let me hear that old rock and roll lullaby
We made it through the lonely days
But Lord the nights were long
And we'd dream of better moments
When Mama sang her song
Now I can't recall the words at all
It don't make sense to try
'Cause I just knew lots of love came thru
In that rock and roll lullaby

At 3:44pm, fifteen long years ago, a scared, single sixteen year old girl gave birth to an 8 lb 8.5 oz baby boy with strawberry blond hair and crystal blue eyes. From the second he drew his first breath that boy was the most important thing that ever happened to her. The fear that had been with her for the last nine months melted into the background and she knew with every fiber that she would do whatever she had to do for this sweet baby.

I love you, Cory. I have loved you from the day I knew you were coming into my life. I will always love you. I am proud of you. You are becoming such a good, kind, and caring man.

Happy Birthday to my firstborn!!
Love
Heather

PS I did veto my mothers vote for ironing today. I believe my exact words were akin to Hell no.

PPS. Daniel has informed me that he will be on a show called Chompchat on Discovery Kids (all in his mind) talking about his hamster, Hamstey, who "is fat and poops alot" and Maggie. Maggie is the dog we found a new home for close to two months ago. When asked what he would say about the beloved pooch, he said, "I would say I play with her alot." Can we all see the conundrum here?

Heather

Ok. Some of the things NO ONE tells you that you may utter upon becoming a parent:

1). Aurelia, please, do not repeatedly beat your brother in the back with a dancing hamster that sings "Lowrider".


2) Daniel, you may not marry your sister. NO, I AM SORRY, YOU REALLY CAN'T!


3) Cory/Adam, please do not drink from your bathtub faucet at 11 :47pm. (or any other time for that matter). Kindly go to the sink and use a cup.

Also, no one tells you that even though your children are spaced out from 15yrs to 2 yrs, they will tag team your tired heiny and plot to deprive you of any sleep. I believe this plan of action may last well into their retirement years.

A final thought: My mother asked me to set up her ironing board today. To iron. Clothes.

That being said, you should understand that I own an iron, but have never used it. I don't even plan to, but I do believe in being prepared.

My mother had OPEN HEART surgery 2 WEEKS ago. She has scrubbed a toilet and asked to iron since she has been home. I HAVE TO BE ADOPTED!!!!

Heather

I am so tired tonight that I all have to give you is this link

http://www.myheritage.com/FP/Company/tryFaceRecognition.php

Night all
Heather
ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ

This morning my friend Melanie/Donutbabe called to invite Aurelia and me over for a walk with her kids. She was amply equipped with strollers and wagons and the like. Her kids were riding in the double stroller and Aurelia decided the wagon was a great thing. About 3/4 of the way through our walk, Aurelia decides now is a good time to get out and pull the wagon herself. (Clearly, her evaluation of my wagon pulling skills left much to be desired). About this time a couple of tagless dogs of a questionable breed decide to begin hanging around. Melanie assures me that she has heard the dogs are harmless. Now Aurelia is pulling the wagon slightly faster than the earth orbits the sun and we are being followed by "friendly" dogs. So, of course, that means it is a good idea to trip and skin her fingers. Quick inspection, everything is fine. I pick her up (so she won't be dog food) and pull the wagon. About twenty feet later, I look over and am shocked to see she looks like she just ate somebody whole. Her skinned fingers were bleeding and she sucks her index finger. The effect was slightly akin to Hannibal Lecter (sp?). But I decided that if necessary, I could use this to scare the dogs by turning her around and letting her do her cutesy kitty meow with her blood covered face.


Later, on the way back from visiting my mother in Charleston, Daniel and I had a conversation. A very bizarre and disconcerting conversation. After being on the subject of going to heaven (he is a little OCD about that) he started to name people he might pick out babies for (which is what he believes people do in heaven). He started to say April, but then decided she would be in heaven first due to her age. Sorry, April. Then, he picked Aurelia. I suggested that, perhaps, he may grow up, have his own kids, and when arriving at heaven he could send babies to them. He said maybe it would be a boy and girl and they would get married. I said, I don't think so. That led to him saying he was going to marry Aurelia. I replied, you can't she is your sister. Then my darling Daniel, who loves me the mostest, said, "You will be in heaven before me. You can't stop me. I'm marrying Aurelia." Um, ok. I just hope he changes his mind before Aurelia has to set him straight. If I had a picture of young girly Damien this morning, he may well have been dissuaded. Oh well, at least we are in WV. (SO SORRY, it had to be said.)

I would like to plug a couple of other blogs.
There is a message board for WV bloggers at
http://www.wvbloggers.com/index.php
Jenny Hobson's blog
http://jennym123.diaryland.com/
and Melanie/Donutbabe's site
www.donutbuzz.com


Night All
Heather

LOST comes back to us next week!! I cannot express my excitement! The doldrums of summer TV are so close to being over.... ahhhhh! None of the newer shows are really grabbing me, but the standards from last year are not disappointing either. The Biggest Loser, Dancing With the Stars, Dirty Jobs, Dog the Bounty Hunter. But I would like to know who is in charge of just pulling shows without a satisfactory resolution. I have spent YEARS wondering if Jared (The Pretender) ever resolved his life (yes, I know, it was a fictional life, but still!). Now I will forever be stymied about the creatures from the shows Invasion and Surface. And to add insult to injury, I believe Medium has been cancelled as well. Perhaps I should watch less television. NAH.

My mother was able to stop in last night on her way home from Oklahoma. She looked well and was far less worried about my Tasmanian devil of a daughter banging into her. We will be going to Charleston to visit her tomorrow evening (she has a birthday Saturday and may even get a present!)

I have been realizing how small our world really is when talking to Melanie (Donutbabe). So many mutual acquaintances, even on the web. Crazy! Good luck with your "situation" this evening, but the way! Let me know how that works out for you!

Night All
Heather

Can't Buy Me Love....

Some of today's special things that a paycheck can't buy

Meeting Daniel's three best friends.
Spending an hour in his class reading about and I quote "Johnny Applesauce"
Walking back from his school on a sunny day, knowing he is glad I was there.
A backpack full of thank you cards from some seriously cute first graders.

I don't have much one on one time with Daniel these days. Poor guy, he was used to having me virtually to himself for four full years. Then came the "Girl". Now she is always around, hogging my time.

Today I was able to break away and read to his class. How I hope this is one of the memories he holds on to when he older. (I'd hate to think he only remembers me threatening to eat him or staring blankly at a television screen)

Night all
Heather

Now that my mother's surgery is over and she is doing well, it is time to resume blogs about my real life.

Aurelia has OCD. She apparently inherited it from her older brother, Daniel. There is an entire list of her OCD targets. Let's review

1. My hair.
2. Shoes (taking them off, putting them on, smelling them, making me smell them)
3. Saying "Eew" (about everything)
4. Cats (Meows of the world beware)
5. People leaving the room (it shouldn't be done, unless she is glad to see you go. You will know that she is glad because she will wave and blow kisses.)
6. Anything that belongs to Daniel (she vehemently declares "MINE" and runs off)
7. My cell phone (has to have keys locked so she can pretend to talk to Daddy)
and my favorite
8. The telephone and remote control should always be in Mommy's hand. If Daddy has it, she creeps up beside him, grabs it, and runs off yelling "mommyYYYYYYYYYYY". I didn't even have to teach her this trick!!

Gotta run! She needs her shoes from from behind the desk (where I tried to hide them)
Heather

I talked to Mom early this morning. She sounded a little raspy (from the breathing tube during surgery) and said her drainage tubes had been removed before I called. She is tired, but feeling good. Finally over that vertigo sensation that was making her so nauseous. Wednesday she has a follow up visit from her surgeon and expects to be heading home shortly after. YAY!

This week has been a little wrenching. I never felt like something would go wrong, but anytime there is anticipation and worry, especially long distance, for someone as close as your own mother it is so much better to have the event behind you. Thanks again to everyone who has been so supportive and kind. You are always that way, but it got noticed alot more this week.

Night all.
Heather

As of around five oclock this evening, Dad reports that Mom is feeling comfortable and was awake and talking today. She may even call to talk when she feels up to it. She only has a little case of vertigo. Things are going quite well. Not much more to say tonight.
Love
Heather

Only one subject of importance today. My mom had her surgery, everything went very well, and she is recovering (at last report) very nicely.

Dad called at around 9 this morning to say they had just taken her back. He expected they would start operating within half an hour. She had told me the surgery would last around 4-5 hours, so I was prepared to have to wait until late afternoon for a call.

A little after one o'clock, Dad called to say all went well. I was a little apprehensive to get a call so soon and a little scared to answer the phone.

I will post any new updates when I get them.
Thank you for all your prayers and well wishes.
Love
Heather

I spent a half hour composing a post about my dorkiness, Aurelias playdate (yet clothed and diapered) poop, Cory's grades and my mom's surgery. Then I spellchecked for one word. Lost the whole damn thing.

I will post tomorrow.
Heather+

Cory snagged two more A midterms today!! This means that as of now we know he is passing English, Algebra, and JROTC. YAY Cory!!! (Or Adam as he known elsewhere.

I went to Charleston this morning to say goodbye to my mom. That was harder than I ever imagined it would be. There is absolutely nothing I can do when she is halfway across the country. Her surgery will be 9 oclock Oklahoma time on Wednesday morning. The hours between now and the call that everything went well will drag, so comments and calls are welcomed and encouraged.

The decision was made last night that I would not go in for the interview. I had already gone round and round about how I could make it work well for everyone. The time in which unattended children would be home was a concern. After I made the call, Jenny from up the street was very nice to call and offer me good luck tomorrow. She even offered to have Daniel over on the evenings I would have worked.( If you are reading this Jenny, thank you so much. That really meant so much to me. ) I have mentioned before that I never envisioned myself as a stay at home mom, but I guess if I am going to do just this one thing, I should strive to do it well.

The creatures are getting restless, so I hope you all have a goodnight.
Heather

Just a proud mention of my younger cousin Christopher Parker. He was married this past summer to his high school sweetheart, Nikki Meadows. They are a super couple of people. He has been mentioned on the website of the 82nd Airborne Div. (This will not, however, erase the memory of his hyper little boy self flinging himself on my stomach as I lay in granma's floor watching TV, or climbing up the walls (literally) like Spiderman.)

Here is the link

http://www.bragg.army.mil/82dv/Manifest Call/SPC Parker/Parker.htm

My mom leaves for her surgery tomorrow. I have spent a little time looking at the description of the procedure, but it is a little frightening. My tiny mom is going to have her ribs cracked, her heart stopped and her body cooled to 27 degrees Celsius. I have to admit I am scared. She is a strong woman and she never lets on that she doesn't feel a hundred percent. The crazy thing has moved entire rooms of furniture, by herself, frequently. But life is fragile and I want her around for a long time. This is my mom:









Keep her in your positive thoughts, please.
Thanks
Heather

Cory's single class midterm (English) was ........ are you sitting down.............really you will want to sit down..............100%!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I have not seen grades even remotely that good for the last five years!!! CONGRATULATIONS CORY!! He has been told that the other teachers did not give out midterms unless you were failing.... I asked him to get one anyway on Monday. Again, fingers crossed!

The job joy is wearing off as the logistics reality sets in. I am torn between really wanting to get out of the house and knowing that leaving Cory in charge of the little ones (even for less than an hour twice a week) could result in a homicide. I still plan to go on the interview at least (never pass up the opportunity to feel like an actual grown human!)

We had three playdates this week. Two with Melanie, Seth, and Lydia and one with Jenny and Eleanor. Daniel says Jenny's name like Forrest Gump and Aurelia is a little OCD about Jenny's three-legged cat. Meow, Meow.

Melanie's cats are safe (for now) because they were not in her line of sight. Be forewarned cat owners, my daughter will love your cats... possibly to death. She is convinced they are always hungry and will try to force feed them at all opportunities.

This weekend should be quiet and uneventful, we hope. I hope you all enjoy yours!
Heather

In the several days since my last post very little has happened. I have been worried about my mom (she leaves for open heart surgery in Oklahoma on Monday). She will be traveling cross country in the car with my Dad..... I hope and pray they both make it back without killing each other.

Aurelia went tinkle a little in her potty yesterday. It sort of freaked her out and she stood up and peed the rest on the floor, but it's a start.

I went to a mommy's night out with some new friends. Being the social butterfly that I am I all the blood rush to my face the few times that I actually spoke about me. When the newness wears off though, these women should beware. I may never shut up.

Cory had his first random drug test of the year and passed with flying colors. Those of you who are not familiar with our policy should note that instead of constantly wondering and accusing him we simply give him a test. When he passes there is no need to defend himself. We give him the test for everything all in one and everyone rests easier. He also gets his first midterm today. Fingers crossed!!!

Daniel's new obsession is the Venus Flytrap. Apparently his new best friend Jacob talks about having one. This has led Daniel to earnestly talk about, wish for, and ask for one. Where does a person even buy a Venus Flytrap? In Cincinnati???? (WKRP humor).......(crickets, silence).....

And for the grand finale..........I have been asked to come in for an interview at the library. My understanding from the brief conversation I had is that it is for a position at the reference desk. It would be just two evenings a week and every other weekend.
I wouldn't be rolling in any massive cash, but I would have the joy of brain activity that did not involve Teletubbies or Venus Flytraps or urine samples.

Take care
Heather

CAUTION: Extremely gross account of my disgusting day!!!

My daughter, the nudist, has struck again. While I was on the phone with a friend, she pooped in the corner of the living room! And I have been finding stray nuggets all day!!!!!!

I am going to donate her to Goodwill. Or I am going to check into boarding school... for me.

My older two children have been quite sedate in comparison to their young sister. No one has been suspended from school or clogged a toilet or anything!

I have nearly finished off the first skein of yarn in my crochet project. I am the fast track to nowhere.

Short entry tonight. Homework to get done and stray poop to find. We are having a playdate tomorrow and I don't want anyone to have any unauthorized snacks (uncontrollable laughter).

Heather

My parenting skills are really being called into question these days. Over the weekend, I promised to make Daniel a turkey sandwich. Later that evening, it dawned on me that I never remembered making a sandwich. So I asked Daniel.

Did I make you a sandwich?

No

Are you hungry?

No

Are you sure?

Yeah, you made me scrambled eggs and gave me some M&M's.

OH.

Then yesterday, Aurelia was in the bathroom staring at the baby in the mirror. She started smacking the baby and yelling what sounded like..."I gonna beat your butt". PLEASE NOTE... I do not beat the baby. But I may have said I was gonna.


So those of you considering leaving your children to me in your will should really evaluate your moral and ethical problems.

On a non-child related note, I have made some time to start a new crocheting project. A long overdue blanket for my friend E. Hopefully it will be complete before next summer.

Thanks to those that bother to leave comments. It gives me a small bit of happy in an otherwise hum drum day.

Toodles
Heather

Ted has been working alot of overtime this week. And by alot, I mean close to sixteen hours plus a day. So I have been home alone with the kids for the past eight days. I'm tired.

Nancy brought Destiny down today and we all (she, me, Desi, Aurelia, and Daniel) walked to Ritter Park. We managed to squeeze a full lap around the park and some good play time in. Then we walked back to our house and over to Baskin Robbins. I was so glad to have her visit. Adult conversation is at a premium these days.

Like I mentioned before, I am tired. The kids have pushed all the limits this week and have been noisy to boot. But I just finished my nighttime routine with Aurelia and I discovered something great. Even when I am tired, worn out, irritated, and all the other things that normal life makes us, a few minutes after we turned out the lights and laid down on the couch things started making my heart stir. The music we were listening to was an encore Mountain Stage performance on NPR. Nothing out of the ordinary. But as we settled in and I was able to take a deep breath and relax a little, I kept thinking how much my heart is full. I am lucky to have so many good people in my life and so many blessings. She nodded off and I waited the required time before I could pick her up and carry her to bed. Those few precious moments in the dark and near silence reminded me that all we have to do to find some euphoria is take a little time to see it.

So tonight I am going to listen to a little music, eat a few Oreos, and relish my life.

Night all.
Be well.
Heather

Ok. I am officially talking to myself. Not a single post to comments or a single personal email in the past few days. Thanks, thanks very much. You hounds.

So much of our family interactions happen in the bathroom. Does this make us strange?

Last night, Daniel was being told to go number 2, because he just doesn't go of his own free will.
Daniel is convinced that if I squeeze my hands together and squint really hard that it helps him go. He says I am squeezing him in my mind. For a full ten minutes last night my mind was really squeezing. I never envisioned this segment of life. My fantasy of the future did not entail body functions being such a joint venture. Which leads me to


Today, Aurelia was playing with the bathroom faucet...... while I was in the bathroom otherwise occupied. I said no in apparently a much too harsh tone and she broke down. HUGE tears, snot flowing, hiccupings sobs. So I was forced to comfort her while in the bathroom otherwise occupied. Did I mention that the shower door is a mirror? Did I mention that this is AGAIN NOT what I had envisioned my life to be?????? Just checking!!

Our song for today is

If you wanna be happy for the rest of your life, never make a pretty woman your wife
So from my personal point of view, get an ugly girl to marry you.

Go ahead, get it stuck in your head too........
Heather

PLEASE NOTE.... We have changed our cell phone numbers so that they are local to our new area. We will gladly give you the new number just please send me an email or note to let me know you need it.


Aurelia's doctors appointment was today and she is growing like a weed. She has gained a pound and a half and grown an inch in the last month!!!

Weight 27 lbs and 12oz.
Height 37inches

The doctor did detect what he called a physiological heart murmur. He said as long as she doesn't become lethargic and fatigued that she will most likely grow out of it.

Cory (Adam) has been invited -and accepted-- to his female friend Bailey's church for services this evening. He wants to ask her to homecoming. Looks like his adjustment to the new area is going quite well.

I have been invited to a "mommy's night out" next week with some of the mothers in our area. I am really looking forward to it. It will be great to have an evening out with adults that share some of the same things I do.

I hope everyone is well. Take care.
Heather

Today is the day of the actual appointment for Ms. Thing. She is sporting her birthday skirt and blouse from her granma Faye for the occasion. We talked to Granma last night (she is in Maine with her sisters). They took a three hour cruise to see Nova Scotia and she spent the majority of it hugging the latrine. Apparently, Granma was very seasick. Poor Granma....:0(

I have several questions for our two year check up....

1) Is there a cure for selective hearing?
2) Is a daily dose of Nyquil such a BAD thing?
3) Can you recommend a support group for the mothers of baby nudists?
4) Will her finger really fall off if she keeps chewing it?


The other night, I was in desperate need of a shower. The only reasonable thing to do was ask Cory (Adam) to watch Aurelia while I got cleaned up. Five minutes I was gone and I hear her scream in the hallway outside the bathroom. I yell to Cory (Adam): "What happened?"
In sheer disgust, he answers: "She took off her clothes and I am trying to get them back on her."

OK.

"Just let her run around for a second. I am almost done and I will get her.", I yell back.

Silence.


Mere moments later Cory (Adam) is back at the door, knocking loudly.

ME: What?!
Cory: She pooped!!!!!
ME: I am almost finished. I' ll change her when..........
Cory: NOOOOO! She pooped in the floor!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
ME: Oh!?


Moral of the story: Sew the clothes onto your children, super glue the diapers on. The indignity of picking up baby poo from your TV room floor with a paper towel is unbearable. Not to mention the gagging that will be induced in the older siblings who happen to be present.


Anyone wanna trade lives??????
I didn't think so.
Still love ya though.
Heather

Ok. Mommy Alzheimers has a serious grip on me. I thought today was her dr. appt. Not til tomorrow. All dressed up and no place to go. SIGH.......

I have two requests for those of you who are reading this blog.

1.) I am seeking a vacation destination that isn't tooooo far from here. Possibly along the Eastern shore. I would love to hear any recommendations about places to go, houses to rent, things to see and do. You can email me directly OR

2) I would really like to see comments filling up. I feel like I am talking to myself. The comments on this blog actually work. All you need to do is click and type. PLEASE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I have very little company in our new home and I would love to hear from you.
Thank you.

Rosie O starts on the View today. No one I know likes her, but I remember her from the VH1 Stand up Spotlight VJ days. I think she is hilarious and I actually agree with many of her political views. Sorry Republican friends. So that is the highlight of my day........watching the View..... unless you send me comments. C'mon you know you want to...... :0)

Heather

I give up..... this domestic goddess declares there is no reason to ever vacuum again. My hair and the spiderwebs are just going to keep coming back. Why continue this exercise in futility? I will instead learn to use a loom and weave all of this previously undesirable crap into a lovely carpet for my home (which I will never vacuum!!)

Ted is working a lot of overtime this week and the kids and I are on the verge of a civil war. School needs to hurry up and come back. The older two are only allowed to watch one hour of television each. They get bored and irritated with each other very quickly.Then they turn on me.

Aurelia has her two year check up tomorrow. She is asleep now after sprawling out in my lap with her foot on my cheek and insisting that I hold her nose up like a pig. What a dainty creature!! The other night I noticed some lights shining on her as we did our nightly ritual. What I discovered were that there were no lights, her brand new pajamas have little glow in the dark dots all over them. Kind of neat!!

After cleaning off our computer desk, I have also discovered that the majority of things in our house are not anything we need. In fact, I would go so far as to say we have over 50% trash. We think we are holding on to it for some GOOD reason, but it's just plain laziness. I have over six containers of toys in the basement from our move and they will be finding new homes soon.

NOTE: It has been several weeks and still not one of our children have noticed that we no longer have a D O G. This speaks volumes....

Take care
Heather

Ted's dad was released from the hospital in Ohio today. For those of you who are not familiar with is situation, he has had a bad hip replacement that resulted in an infection. That was four years ago. After their visit to our new house in June, Ben was bedfast and unable to get around on his own. A doctor at the Cleveland Clinic finally agreed to take his case and he was taken to Ohio. A week later they operated to remove the bad hip and found a pocket of infection. They placed some sort of body concrete instead of hip back in and prescribed a six week (2x a day) IV course of antibiotics. He spent the last part of his stay in a rehab hospital going through various sorts of physical and occupational therapy.

Now he will be home for about a month. After that they will make the roughly six hour trip back to Cleveland for a hip aspiration to see if the infection is gone. Five days from that, if there is no infection, they will schedule his surgery to place a permanent hip replacement. The other hip needs to be replaced too, so they will wait until his recovery from the first hip to operate on the other side. Ben and Peggy have a rough few months behind them and another rough few months ahead of them. We are hoping for the best and quickest recovery so Ben can get back to being independent. I can't imagine how hard it must be.

While Ted has been in Beckley today assembling a handicap entrance for them, the kids and I have taken a trip to the dreaded WALMART. Why do I continue to shop in a store that has everything except what I need? Daniel needed a raincoat, they had none. We bought a mini umbrella. Aurelia needed a light jacket, they had none. We bought a whole new wardrobe for her. (Sadly enough, she is a 3T top and bottom now--the bottoms are little loose, but the 2T are too small). Daniel needed a light jacket, but by the time I had threatened each of their lives I left without one. They probably didn't have one anyway. LOL.

Daniel is sitting on the couch right now listening to my new MP3 player. I have checked out several different CDs from the library and put them on the player. His tastes are very in line with mine. He is enamored with the top billboard hits of the 60's right now. At anytime, he may break out singing "Surfin USA" or "These Boots Are Made For Walkin". He has a silly little grin on his face when he sings. I love it.

Cory has an ex-girlfriend (Drew) who has been calling all day. She only has my cell phone number, but she has been blowing the thing up. Soon, all the girls will be calling and he may actually want to talk to some of them. He seems to be adjusting fairly well, making friends, and noticing older girls "checking him out". I asked him what he wanted for his birthday and he said..........................."A job". Um, ok. Have at it, big boy!

Aurelia is FINALLY taking a nap for the day. I'd better wrap this up and make the best of this quiet, non-naked time.

Take care.
Heather

It's Saturday morning and the first week of school is in the bag. No problems! What a relief! My friend, Robin, left me a comment, and her son Dean seems to be doing AOK as well. YAY!!!

I have had several revelations this week. My daughter is determined to become the most clingy and possibly the youngest nudist in the world. When she isn't hanging from the end of my locks, she is shedding all layers and running around the house. Her brothers are none too happy about the frequent displays of anatomy. I am seriously considering duct tape. But she is learning to say "Please, Daniel" before she rips whatever he is holding from him. And she does have the common decency to say "Thank you, Daniel" after she takes it and leaves him in a heap of tears.

But I will not discourage her confidence. When I was growing up, I was always amazed at how cool and collected others seemed. I wanted to have their good looks, confidence, style, coordination, whatever the cool thing was. But as I have grown I have realized a few things. While I may not be the coolest or most coordinated or stylish nobody else really is either. They have a few things that seem great, but they are just juggling life like me. Everybody, including myself, has strengths and weaknesses. And none of us should ever feel less than, because one simple fact remains true for eternity..........Everybody and I mean everybody farts. There is no getting around it. If you ever feel intimidated or overshadowed by someone else or their strengths, just remember that little tidbit. You'll feel better. Promise.

Today is a day for shopping. We need raincoats and umbrellas and long pants for the baby. Not that she will keep the pants on, I suppose.

Penny, if you are reading this post, I am going to share the video you sent me. I think it was hilarious. My aunt shared this viral video with me last week. It is a group of guys dancing on treadmills. I would break my everloving neck just standing on one.

Enjoy

http://youtube.com/watch?v=pv5zWaTEVkI