Tubes and other forgotten treasures

Today I was reduced to a laughing heap because my son Daniel had a nervous breakdown over a paper towel tube. You read correctly, a paper towel tube. He shut down all responses, save for the hysterical crying, and that increased once the company he had left (for Paper Towel Tube related reasons.) So here is a list of things I am dumbfounded by from my children this week:




Cory/Adam can eat three soft tacos with pepperjack cheese and pepperoni as toppers. He washes this down with the largest glass we have full of eggnog. Lowfat eggnog. Then as the last bite is barely past his lips and falling down his throat he asks" Can I have some ice cream?"






Daniel (aside from melting down over household items) spent this entire evening wearing his new jacket. His rather heavy new jacket. When asked by Donutbabe if he wanted to take it off, he replied, No Thank You. Vehemently. BTW, their house is no where near the North Pole and they do have heat. Bless his heart.



Aurelia wants to tell me Daniel is at school every five minutes and then ask me if he is ok. She is never tired of that hobby. Although it does have a leg up on her farting obsession. She likes to pass the gas, proclaim ew, wave her butt and laugh. Not only does she look just like her father, well she acts just like him too. :0)


My children, gotta love em. I guess.




The right hand pic is Daniel after a park fall. In my mind, it was him today. :0)






For additional gift ideas, check out Jenny's link. She has several ideas as well. She has also been very bloggy today, considering she was witness to aforementioned Paper Towel Tube incident.







Night All



Heather

Please do not read todays post if you are already sad.

I am sad today. I was happy this morning. Nothing bad has happened in my family. Everyone is well. But I am still sad.

The View had a special today about adopting out of the foster care system. There are so many children that need good, safe homes. I always thought I would be one of those people. But I didn't marry a man with the same views in that area (he is no less a good man, but he isn't up to that challenge.) Then I realized that I may not be up to it either. I spend portions of my day wondering how I can be shed of my own children. That realization coupled with the overwhelming number of needy children makes me sad.

I went to Walmart for a few things this evening. On the way, I noticed the cemetery man again. Just seeing him makes me sad (even though I have seen a couple of ladies there talking to him on two separate occasions.). But on the way home, I drove slowly, considering whether I would stop if he was still there. I had seen him there on a rainy day holding his umbrella over the flowers on the grave and it nearly broke my heart. As I drove past, he was still there, sitting by the flowers. He leaned over, kissed the gravestone, and laid down on the ground. I cried. There was no way I could intervene with good conscience in that moment. Maybe I shouldn't be concerned at all. But I feel as if this a test of my personal constitution. I don't believe we are tested by higher powers. We aren't that important. But I believe we test ourselves. I don't know if I am passing. It doesn't look good tonight.

I count my blessings for each of you who care about me and mine. I care deeply for all of you and hope you are well tonight.

Love
Heather

Christmas Shopping Tips

I have been loathed by my close friends for years because of my advance planning for holidays. I like to be prepared and find appropriate and heartfelt gifts. I also like to milk my dollar. I have compiled for those of you still shopping a list of my favorite shopping links, as well as a few that I have yet to test.

1. Ebay---- if you brainstorm about the person you are shopping for, you will find something, oftentimes for a dollar or so, that they will love and cherish.

2. Overstock.com---especially good for electronics

3. Big Lots---You may have to go several times, but there is usually something worth buying.

4. yorkphoto.com----you can have personalized gifts made with your own photos for reasonable prices and fast shipping.

5. photostamps.com---- you can turn treasured family photos into useful postage stamps. Good for those relatives far away.

6. Clearance bins of any sort---This requires some time and ingenuity, but never pass up a clearance bin without a good solid look through.

7. Memory gifts----These also require a little thought, but the recipient will feel very loved (or so we hope). You just assemble a three ring binder with pictures and stories about the loved one and decorate.

8. Handmade gifts---With the help of stores like Michaels and AC Moore, even fairly unhandy people like myself can assemble a clock or paint some ornaments for a loved one.

9. Gifts.com----this search engine will show you what people in your loved ones general demographic might enjoy. Many of these items will be overpriced, but there is an occasional item that is either affordable or triggers another idea.

10. Gift certificates or cash---many people dislike these as impersonal gifts, but difficult to buy for loved ones may appreciate not getting those singing boxer shorts or dancing/singing fish to hang on the wall.

Enjoy my tips. But friends and family, please don't buy for me and mine. We are attempting to teach our children that Christmas is a time for sharing love and time with family and friends, not anxiously (and greedily) planning out what their haul might be.

Night all and Happy Holidays!
Heather

MMMMM MMMM Good

I drove my youngest son to Charleston today for a check up with his ear, nose, and throat doctor. (He had tubes put in and his adenoids removed shortly before we moved.) When I arrived at the doctors office I had one of those "DOH" moments when the receptionist said his appointment isn't until the 30th. At least I got to see my mom for about an hour.

Our neighbor was over today with her little girl and commented on Adam's appetite. I am so glad I am not the only one to see that he is a walking hunger pain! After wolfing down a sandwich in record time, he went to Baskin Robbins and came back with TWO large shakes. The order ahead of his was messed up, so they gave it to him. Oy!

I am baking brownies. I will eat too many. I wonder where my son gets his eating habits.

Heather

The Good The Bad and The UGLY

Good news first:

Adam/Cory was randomly drug tested yesterday and was spotless. Yippee!

And although his school bus was in a minor accident yesterday, no one was injured! Double Yippee!

Aurelia did not have to have shots at our appointment this week. No more until she is FOUR!

Ted is on the mend from his unfortunate bout with a stomach virus.

Bad news:

Daniel didn't like being told no, so he went to sleep.

Eleanor came to play, he assumed non-talking mode.

Ugly news:

After a routine inspection of his folders, it was discovered that Adam had seen a movie called Orgazmo last year in school. (Via a note he had). Did I mention this is a movie about two porn stars--- one wears a phallus on his head! Rated NC-17?!

Noticing a disturbing lack of towel-like laundry coming from the aforementioned Adam's room, I asked him how he had been drying off after baths. Now, as a standard rule, I expect the answers I get from my children to be totally void of logic and try to brace myself. But the following conversation leaves me speechless:

Me: How are you drying yourself?

Adam: I've been airdrying as the water drains.

Me: (pause, blink) But where are the washcloths? How are you washing?

Adam: I've been using the sponges you bought for me to scrub my tub with.

Me: (scratch head, blink, furrow brow) The ones you are supposed to throw away every couple of uses?

Adam: OH?!

(Ted in the background shaking his head)

Me: From now on, let it be known that you MUST use a towel and washcloth every time you bathe. Clean ones!

Ted: (puzzled, puzzled look) Why haven't you been using a towel?

Adam: You didn't bring any to my room..........................................................................

Ted: WHAT!?!?!?! @^%&$*(&%&, You are FIFTEEN!!!! (the rest was unintelligible.....)

The remainder of the evening Ted and I shook our heads and pondered if we can survive the 2 years, 10 months, and 19 days until he is a legal adult. But then we have to consider, the littlest one will still be here, blowing our minds, for at least another, 15 years, 9 months, and 13 days. Yippee!

Heather

A rose by any other name

I have been asked about my daughters unusual name nearly every day. Most recently, my neighbor Chris asked where it came from. I gave the standard short version ,"It was my great grandmothers name." But I will use this venue to further expand on the origin and meaning of her name.

I have two older sons and desperately wanted a girl. My oldest should thank the stars above he was born male (I had the delusion I would name a daughter Heaven Leigh.... way too much VC Andrews in my teenage years). I wanted to name this much desired daughter after my great grandmother. I was fortunate enough to have her in my life until I was 23 years old. I miss her.

When deliberating middle names (because I just couldn't use the Agnes that was Granma's middle name), Elizabeth was my first choice. My grandmother (Original Aurelia's daughter) likes to think I named her Elizabeth after Original Aurelia's sister. Libby was the same age as my Granma Frances and they were more like sisters. The name is actually the middle name of my best friend from childhood (Laura).

Now the meaning of her names combined is the equivalent of "Golden Oath to God". Not intended, but great nonetheless.

Aurelia is also the name of Julius Caesar's mother, a city in Iowa, a genus of jellyfish, a synonym for chrysalis, a hymn by Samuel Sebastion Wesley, a crater on Venus, a hypothetical Earth-sized planet orbiting a red dwarf star, a ship in the US Navy, the first Portugese gay dictionary (circa 2006), an 1855 book by Gerard Nerval, and a northwestward road in Rome.

I have no further comment.

Heather

Puke O Rama

The last few days have been a tad on the icky side. My youngest two children have had some puke-o-licious partying and I have been on the wrong side of that party. Windows have been flung open, doors have been left ajar, laundry has been washed and rewashed, Febreze and enzyme odor eaters abound, baths have been given (ad nauseum), and teeth have been brushed. I believe we are over the hump. But, for those of you who have experienced sick children, no amount of tooth brushing will rid the breath of a pukey kid. So to that end, I dedicate todays blog lyrics (a song by the INFECTIOUS GROOVES, You lie and yo breath stank) to my children!!

A clip of the following song can be played from this link:
http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/B0000027KR/alaskajimcom03-20

You lie and yo breath stank you lie and yo breath stank
Save your time don't give me that speech
And use that time to go brush your teeth
A good mouthwash would be a start
Cause your breath done smell like your mouth done a fart

You lie and yo breath stank
So bad it makes it hard to think
You lie and yo breath stank
Smells just like it's a septic tank
You lie and yo breath stank you lie and yo breath stank

Damn homeboy won't you chew on some gum
ou smell like a mixture of chili dogs and rum
Don't be cheap and just chew on a stick
Throw in the whole pack and chew on it quick

You lie and yo breath stank
So bad it makes it hard to think
You lie and yo breath stank
Rolls me over like a Sherman tank
You lie and yo breath stank you lie and yo breath stank
Open your mouth the whole room stunk
You need a chisel to hammer off the funk
Your breath would turn a shirt into lint
So do us all a favor and suck on a mint

You lie and yo breath stank you lie and yo breath stank
Open your mouth just another lie
What's that smell did somethin' die
A funky kind of stank that makes you go phew
Took a wiff straight out it was coming from you

You lie and yo breath stank
So bad it makes it hard to thank
You lie and yo breath stank
So bad damn your breath is rank

Damn yo breath stank

Night all
Heather

Reasons my husband loves me

My husband is a nice man. Why he married me is a mystery. I recounted, just yesterday, the romantic tale of our nuptials to my neighbor, Jenny. See, Ted and I never "dated". We met while he was in college and I was a working stiff. We remained friends for years. He decided that if he was going to get married, he'd like to marry me. I decided against that offer. The next year, we were cleaning up at his house after cooking out (still totally not dating) and I said "Why not?!" Two months later, we were wed. In between the decision and the BIG DAY, we had discussions about life issues, just to be sure we were on the same page. We discussed our political views, plans for future children, where we would live, who had what pre-existing debt and assets, you know romantic junk. I clearly remember saying to him,"I am not a nice woman and I don't really plan to get any nicer." I am pretty sure he wasn't paying attention.



Here are five reasons my husband loves me:



1. I enjoy cookies. This means I am now comfortable with my body and not frequently asking, "Do I look fat?"

2. I want to paint our SuperBeetle an iridescent tie dye and install a singing horn.

3. I buy remote control rats (only when they are 50% off post-Halloween)

4. I fall for his goofy jokes, because I am gullible. (Ex: Ted says to me, you know why they sing that song don't you? I respond, Why? Ted says, So you don't have to! ARGH)

5. He can't remember his own birthday, but when asked I can give all his info, his parents info, his family tree, his SAT scores, etc.



Five things my husband loves me in SPITE of:



1. I am an inch taller than him.

2. I give him cake when he says he is fat.

3. I love to scare him.

4. I sing the Hippo song six months out of the year.

5. Even when I know I am wrong, I will insist I am correct just to irritate him. This causes him to doubt his rightness and waiver in his opinion. HEHEHEHE





The next time you see Ted, give the poor boy a hug!

Heather

Longlasting Friendship

Recently, I completed a crochet project (blanket) for my longtime friend E. I had searched high and low to find an appropriate poem or quote to go with a handmade gift. I could not find one relevant to my need so I wrote a simple poem (posted before, but posted again):

What began as balls of string
Has now become this single thing
Imperfect as I know it may be
May it always remind you a little of me
Every stitch and imperfection
Was made for you with my affection.

When E received the blanket and poem, she tweaked it and promised to send me her revised version that would apply to me as the sender. I received that yesterday and it goes like this:

What began as balls of string
Has become a lovely thing.

(As if I needed this white and blue
To always remind me of you.)

Every stitch with love and care
Made for me, for the love we share.



I am certain her version is the best.

I have been friends with E since I was eighteen. She was a coworker at AT&T (my first REAL job). I haven't worked with her for over ten years. But I think about her every day. She is a true lady and I am blessed to have her in my life.

I would like to tell all of you that are dear to me how much I appreciate you. Friendship (in its truest form) is necessary for all of us. At first glance or impression, we may dismiss potential friends. I am fortunate that E did not dismiss me as a naive teenager or transitional co-worker. She took the time to know me and seemed to believe I was worth knowing. I am fortunate to have a diverse base of friends spanning all ages, many religions, various incomes, and sundry lifestyles.

Having friends who are much like ourselves is a great thing. I wholeheartedly support the practice. I have learned, however, that many of my most important and valuable life lessons have come to me through the diversity of my friends.

Thank you, E! You rock!

Useless knowledge

This post may highlight my deep knowledge of useless information, but I am very often thinking of an episode of Green Acres lately. Remember Green Acres? Eva Gabor, Arnold Ziffle...? No, just me? Oh well.

Anyway, the episode stuck in my head centers around Eva Gabor's character (Lisa) had advertised for Eddie Albert's character (Oliver Wendall Douglas). He was an attorney on the show and at that time it was considered unethical (perhaps even illegal) to advertise for clients. He was quite upset with Lisa. (Background music in my head is the theme song!)

Now, in 2006, I see Danny Cline and Jan Dils commercials and find myself humming their damn jingles in the car. PUH LEASSSSE! I would like to see someone invent a filter to keep that crap out of my head. You see, I suffer from useless knowledge-osis. Go ahead and ask me some obscure question that is so totally not relevant to any topic of current conversation. I will probably know the answer. My mother once asked me to remember the kind of wood that some cabinets she admired were made from. Years later, after she decided against her previous kitchen remodel (and had moved from that house), I can be shopping with her or eating dinner and I will have an unstoppable need to say "The cabinets were PECAN!"

As far as Green Acres goes, even though the final season aired four years before I was born, how can you not watch a show based in HOOTERVILLE?

Heather

Halloween and Hippos

Halloween is officially over. We made the rounds. The goods were safely received and distributed (rain aside). Pumpkins house was viewed---well worth it! I have gotten a glimpse of my younger sons future as a stalker as he deposited a love note for his friends dad in the cloak of night into their mailbox. OY! I have realized multiple times over this week (and in my lifetime) that I am OH SO NOT a socially acceptable person. But I don't mind. I will take my children to buy fart machines and secretly pray the batteries die quickly. I will say what pops into my head and then wonder if awkward silences were caused by my statements. I have children--- my mental filters have been removed. I am forced to utter sentences like "Don't poop in the corner" and "Please don't eat the food you find under the couch!" I would apologize and try harder to be prim, but I sort of don't care. I do when I am around multiple other civilized people and I am clearly the least of those. But otherwise, I'm pretty much ok.

Now that Halloween is over, it is definitely the season for the HIPPO SONG!!! The radio station in Charleston would start playing Christmas songs on Thanksgiving day all the way through Christmas. The hippo song starts now and lasts through my birthday in this house. Below are the link and the words!!! Enjoy!!

Heather

http://www.newbie.com/Christmas/Hippo/i_want_a_hippopotamus_for_christmas.html

Meows

I recently gave a BRIEF thought to adopting a kitty for the meow obsessed Aurelia. While I was browsing through the available critters on petfinder.com I noticed that a white kitten was not available until November. This is because of fears about bad things being done at Halloween to black and white cats. According to the below story from Idaho, it extends to white bunnies there too. (THIS IS ONLY AN ARTICLE ABOUT AN UPCOMING LAW, NOT AN ANIMAL CRUELTY ARTICLE)

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20061028/ap_on_fe_st/black_cat_adoptions

It's the Great Pumpkins, Charlie Brown!

Party day was a chaotic success! Rain be damned, those kids were getting their sugar fix! Be forewarned that if Daniel knocks on your door Halloween night, he is a superhero NOT an exceptionally endowed bosomy country star!






I also forced the family into the rain for a sneak peek at the PUMPKIN HOUSE!! After Donutbabe told me Ellen Degeneres was there Friday, it had to be done!!! JOY and GLEE, I drove and Ted (the better photographer in the family) was made to capture these images:









I plan to go back Monday evening to check out the joint in all of its festive wonder!! Let me know if you would like to ride along!!

Heather

Spooky Spooky

An interesting couple of websites listed in this Yahoo odd news article. Type in your information and see what it predicts your day of death as. I am likely to live until as last as March 10, 2069 (a ripe old 93). One of the slightly less friendly sites had my demise occurring in my seventies as I lay napping on a railroad track. Check them out, I used my husbands name on the nutty site and he is supposed to go at 39 during a malfunction in a highly exciting job?! Happy Halloween ;)

Also, anyone who can tell me more about the man, Ric Griffith, and his pumpkin extravaganza in Kenova will instantly win a giant hug (or prize of equal value). I MUST see the 16 by 16 foot wall of pumpkins flashing to the 1812 overture and I am certain Aurelia will LOVE the cat choir. I plan to drive by this place at least three (perhaps hundred) times!

Heather

Somebody Stop Me

In the past week, I have done a great many things. Many of them were little and don't amount to much, but a few were great (at least to me.) I spent time with my mother (she is doing better), I called my in-laws more often, I completed my crochet afgan for E. After completing the aforementioned afghan, I tried to find a poem or saying about homemade or crocheted gifts given with love online. I was unsuccessful.... so, I wrote one. It is by no means Emily Dickinson or Robert Frost but it served its purpose. My friend was very pleased with the afghan and has promised to send me her version of the poem. The original is this:

What began as balls of string
Has now become this single thing
Imperfect as I know it may be
May it always remind you a little of me
Every stitch and imperfection
Was made for you with my affection.

Please feel free to mock it!!

In other noteworthy achievements, I finished a pillow for Aurelia I started when she was born and her Raggedy Ann doll I bought as a Christmas gift last year (a put it together yourself kit). Today was the construction paper jack o lantern with Daniel's class and that went well. Tomorrow is the Fall Party (EEEEK) and in the meantime, I have baked cookies and am crocheting dishcloths for my aunt. This streak must end. Really, or I may have to check in somewhere for a "vacation"!!

These are some very strange videos that I happen to think are quite amusing. You also, you may not. I love you anyway!




http://www.rathergood.com/fishy/

or my very favorite for absolutely no good reason

http://www.rathergood.com/gaybar/

Live Love Laugh

I read a story to the kids tonight called ," I miss you, Stinkyface." I love those books. But as I was reading about how the boys mama would catch a cheetah to race her home to him my voice cracked. I was missing my mom. Now, my mom is perfectly fine (save the cough she can't shake) and sitting in her house in Charleston. But I was missing more specifically the past mom and childhood. I can't consciously remember my mother reading to me, but I know she read hundreds of stories. I miss spending every Saturday night at my granma's house. I am already missing my children as they grow and need me less. I want the freedom, I crave it don't get me wrong. But I think we all know that when we are little we really want to be big and when we get big we miss being little. I miss not realizing there were bad things in the world. I miss never thinking my most loved could some day leave this world. I want to believe that we can live forever in good health and spirits again. But being grown up and knowing otherwise, I will read Stinkyface books, smell my kids hair, look at them when they sleep, call my mom and granma more, and try to appreciate every good thing as long as I can.

But if Peter Pan could bring me some of that magic dust, I'd be on the fast train to Neverland!


Heather

Autumn on my street

Many developments over the weekend. A friend has visited for the weekend. Jenny up the street says her mom is now reading my blog too! HI JENNY'S MOM! We have acquired more free furniture and it is actually useful. I spotted the cemetery man again while my friend was with me. She said she would stop if there weren't kids in the car. There are never not kids in the car. I busted my oldest in a few deceptions, but he wasn't doing drugs or planning any sort of mass destruction, so I guess I still love him.

In more serious news, my mother still has a horrendous cough after her surgery. She had her follow-up appointment with the local cardiologist and came away feeling let down. He didn't give this cough or her condition the attention and treatment I believe he should have. He discussed her condition with her sister (while she was in another room) but failed to have any meaningful disclosure with her. I could hear the shakiness in her voice and while she is usually the strong one, Monday morning some doctors are going to be talking to one persistent and perturbed daughter. I am hoping she feels up to going out for a short (or long if she feels well enough) drive to admire the changing leaves. I know she loves to see them. And I love her.

My father-in-law had his hip replacement this past week. They had to place bands around the top of the leg bone to keep it from cracking more. UGH. After the surgery they gave him over three pints of blood in two days. When they performed some tests to see why he was still weak and dizzy, they discovered a blood clot in his leg. So last night, after he sent his wife back to her brother's house for the night, they rushed in unexpectedly and placed a filter in his aorta. When I called this morning, they were hauling him off the physical therapy. And last I knew, they are going to replace the other hip within a week.

So in light of my mother and my father-in-law, I have NO problems. My life is 100%. I will be appreciative and grateful for every move I make. I will not complain..... until I forget that I don't have it bad. Unfortunately, my state of mind may wear off faster than I'd like. So if you catch me complaining, smack me and tell me to get over it. It COULD be WORSE!!

Heather

PS Saw the movies Click and Prairie Home Companion over the weekend and enjoyed Click about 3 stars (highlight of the movie involved David Hasselhoff in a body function scene) and Prairie Home Companion was an absolute snore. I love that radio show and was really set up in my mind to enjoy. Such is life.

We have survived Dentist Day! Now only six more months of waiting for the next one! Yippppeeee!

Yesterday, Ted's dad went under the knife for the umpteenth time since we have been married. His replacement hip was being put in. They found no signs of the infection that was there last time and plan to give him an entire week (gulp) before ripping out the hip on the other side and putting in another turbo hip. (In theory, so he won't break the "new" hip). The surgery started after 5 pm and we heard he was out of surgery around 9:15 or so. Peggy (my mom-in-law) says he was doing great, but it's hard to tell when someone is totally unconscious.

In other news, a teacher from my childhood elementary has been formally accused by the FBI of possessing child pornography on two of his computers (none in the school). I would not make a good juror for this man, because I am thoroughly convinced he has done more than stare at the pictures. His potential sentence for the crime he is currently accused of is up to 10 years in prison, $250,000 fine, lifetime supervised release, and the loss of his teaching license. If any victims have been watching the newscasts, I hope they step forward to see this man never gets out of jail. Just in case you haven't seen the news, he was a teacher at Pinch Elementary in Pinch, WV since around 1987 and his name is Garland Eary. The pictures were discovered in June of 2005 and from what I have heard, his wife was the one who turned him in. Bravo (if that was her first knowledge of his evil). I am not usually this hostile, but pedophiles make me crazy!

Last but OH so not least, Baby Girl peed in th potty voluntarily the other day! NO repeat activity, but we are hopeful!!!

Heather