This boys report card....
having my taxes done and filed! Yippee!
returning all the child abuse survivor books and starting this book. I have snorted out loud many times today!
spending 27$ at Walmart on cookies, milk, and one hammer!
getting this ad in the mail today!
A nod to Buzzardbilly for inadvertently inspiring this entry with her musings about dog mess.
In my family history, the older people become the less they are inclined to share the same room with their spouse. My grandparents, great-grandparents, and now sometimes my own parents had separate bedrooms. It may or may not have been a reflection of their affection for one another, but I will assume it was not. I believe my DNA is infused with a tendency to separate oneself from the gross and unattractive things people do as they age. Snoring, farting, coughing, incontinence, night sweats, and the like are all feasible reasons to get a nice mattress for the spare room.
Ted and I have a few ground rules for the future:
1. Til the children are grown I will be predominantly responsible for cleaning up messes that include their bodily fluids.
2. He will be responsible for tending to me when I am ill or out of commission (rarely) and I will do my best to help him if needed.
3. Separate bedrooms will be required immediately the first time incontinence on the part of one rudely awakens the other.
4. In our elderly, golden years it will be necessary for Theodore to have a nurse available 24/7 to tend to any doody pants. If I am left in charge of said doody pants, my only promise is that I will pressure wash the doody from a minimum of ten feet away. Any pat drying will be done with a towel draped stick from at least the aforementioned distance. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I believe we will sail gracefully into our non-children years having established where we stand on these issues. Gotta let 'em know where ya draw the line. Yup, that's my motto.
Eleanor (while watching Dora and eating lollipops): Daniel, do you like Dora?
Daniel (with that look): I am trying not to see the television, but my head has a brain of its own!
This lovely quiz was sent to me by a friend today. The object is to determine solely by your gut feeling from one picture whether the subject is a computer language inventor or a serial killer. My score was 7 out of 10.
Try it out and let me know your score!
Winter stinks. It sucks royally. It makes me depressed and restless. I have been in a funk for a few weeks now and extended no-school days don't help.
So I get a little bit of the grass is greener syndrome. I see other people and even though I know they have the same hassles I do, I get jealous. I start to wish our family could go out to dinner together without ending up ticked at the end. I want to have the patience the other mothers seem to have. Why can't I cook up a nutritious, delicious meal and get the kids to eat it? When will I be able to eat a balanced meal and lose weight and style my hair and juggle a full social agenda and bond meaningfully with my children and blah, blah, blah, blah freakin' blah. You get the drift. In those moods, nothing I do is good enough, because someone else is doing it WAY better.
So I went to Walmart for fabric and a curtain rod (intending to divert the artic breeze flowing over the back of our couch with aforementioned items and a healthy supply of safety pins). I passed through the plus size section and spotted TALL pants that just might fit. I gave all my stretch jeans to neighbor Jenny when it became OH SO CLEAR that even with a shoehorn and an industrial size vat o' Vaseline, it was never gonna happen. The pants fit. They have a W beside the number ( I have been informed this is for Women's , not WIDE like I was originally assuming). I cried in the dressing room. Why? Dunno. I don't care that I don't wear a size double zero. I never plan to wear a bikini again, EVER. So even though I have the winter blahs, a big ol cause of the grass is greener syndrome, and zero nutritional value in my meals---- I DO have four new pairs of pants that fit my W butt! :0)
Daniel likes to wax poetic from the porcelain throne. Here is a sampling of today's announcements:
"That last piece was tiny, like this (holds up fingers to demostrate). It was curved like a bean."
"I know how mommies (pregnant ones) feed their babies. They eat the food, then it goes to the plaaaace (for a second I thought he was going to say placenta). Then the baby gets it and eats it. Especially if it is all mushy, cause babies don't have any teeth. (Nods head, winks, points finger, makes little mouth click)."
"I like your hair down. You look even prettier than uuuussssssuuuuuuaaaaal."
"(About a varied topic base, in various tones) Now THAT'S something you don't see everyday."
Apparently, I need to pass along three bits of blogging advice and pass this along to five other bloggers. So here goes.
The Hippo's Blogging Advice
1. Try not to blog when you are going to need to stop every 3.2 seconds and scream " WHAT?!" I find I do my best blogging as I am waiting for my children to fall asleep. Since I am help captive in my bedroom (we have creaky stairs and whiny kids) I can power up the trusty laptop and spew my daily thoughts. Works better than trying to think on the uber- puter we have downstairs.
2. When in doubt, blog with confidence. I usually have no idea what I am talking about. But I read somewhere once that if you speak confidently everyone will assume you know your stuff. Let's assume that works here too.
3. Be balanced. I know no one wants to read all about the crappy parts of my life, but I am pretty sure they don't want to read about only good things either. So I like to mix it up. A little of this, a little of that. Works for me.
Now for the tough selection of five fellow bloggers to pass the torch.
1. Jellyfilled She is a smart, funny blogger about world events and issues. But she also has the CUTEST kids and we get to see them too.
2. Girl, Woman, Mom A newly read blog for me. I really enjoy her style and the stories of her family.
3. Smallest Angel A great lady who doesn't blog frequently enough for those who love to read her (like me!).
4. Step Away From the Barbies I don't know her, but I often laugh out loud reading her posts. And anyone who refers to their significant other as "asshat" is my kind of funny.
5. Buzzardbilly Ferociously funny and uninhibited.
Super quadruple thanks to my friend, Mr. Chinchilla!
I read alot of books about child abuse. It's another of my morbid hobbies. But because I read them, I feel more prepared. Like I know what to look for when dealing with not only the caretakers and parents for my CASA kids, but for people who deal with my kids daily. It reminds me that not everyone is what they appear to be on the surface. Mood changes in children shouldn't automatically be chalked up to moodiness or adolescence or "phases". A solid look at the causes should always be the beginning. Especially with kids vulnerable to falling through the cracks of any system.
The book I am currently reading is all the more heartbreaking because the main character had a wonderful life and family until her mother died of an epileptic seizure when the girl was eleven. She and her brother were awarded to her biological father (who they didn't even know existed) instead of their stepfather. The biological father passed them along to a "foster home" after learning he wouldn't be in charge of the insurance money their mother had left for them. Within 24 hours of being torn from the only family they had ever known, their world was turned upside down and a nightmare began.
While the events in her life occurred in the late 60's or early 70's, it brings home a point. We need to confront our fears of immortality to best care for our children. Prepare for the worst while we enjoy the best. Every night I go to sleep assuming I will see many more years of my children lives. My husband assumes the same thing. And while I don't intend to dwell on the endless possibilities of bad stuff, I do intend to respectfully acknowledge its existence.
"If You Have Minor Children- Having a Will is especially important if you have young children because it gives you the opportunity to designate a “guardian” for them in the event of your death. If you die without a Will, have minor children, and your husband/wife did not survive you, a court will appoint a guardian. A Will allows you to exercise your right to appoint the guardians who will take care of your children upon the deaths of you and your spouse. Therefore, even if your assets are modest, if you have minor children, you should at least execute a Will in order to name guardians for them if they are left as minors with no surviving parent."
Today was an absolute affirmation that this is the right thing to do. If you have the inclination, please consider giving your time.
In an effort to balance out that previous self-pitying post, here are some really great things about life in hippo land.
My daughter tells me I am her best friend, and I am pretty sure she means it.
My youngest son still tells me about things enthusiastically. He wants me to pay attention and notice him. He hasn't started pushing me away yet to define himself.
My oldest son is a good kid. He does push me away, but he is a solid character. He will be a good man.
I have a loving husband.
I have great friends.
I want for nothing material.
Humor still shows itself to me in almost everything.
I can't get to sleep at night because my husband snores and shakes his leg like a sleeping dog.
When I do drift off I wake up with my back in a twist like a wrung out dishrag and my arms asleep and useless.
When I lift heavy things at the store my hips buckle and I pee a little. Sorry.
I used to be able to carry in all my groceries in one trip and now my shoulders and back cry after just a few minutes of holding the cutest baby on my block. That also means holding my wee daughter on my lap is nearly impossible. (Sob)
I have friction in places I'd rather not. I will not elaborate.
I've given up quilting because my fingers can't take the tiny work. (Wail)
My husband had to tighten the hand rail in our stairway, because I actually use it now.
I can't put on my own socks. If my husband isn't home I just don't wear any.
When my daughter and I started the mommy and me dance class, the instructor told her to do what I did. Ex: Sit cross-legged (can't do it), touch the bottoms of my feet together and let my knees down (never gonna happen), lower my head to touch aforementioned feet while in aforementioned pose (not even close). (Tears flow freely)
I have been wondering lately what life in our country, or even our world, would be like if there were no economic differences. The scenario in my head is this...
What if everyone over the age of 18 were given an income of say 100,000 dollars to work. They wouldn't have to work at a job selected for them, they could work at what satisfied them or made them happy, but they must work. In this world, there would be no economic reason to excel at your profession. Your kudos would come from recognition, achievements, good feelings, etc. There would be no limits to quality of life choices. Would there still be enough workers for the service industries? Would CEO's continue to keep their jobs if there were no exorbitant bonuses? How would the world run, who do what, who would live where? Would we continue to amass goods as status symbols of how much better we are? I am not a philosopher, I don't take public stands on world problems, but I would like to know what you would do if suddenly the world worked that way.
I neglected to mention that I had been interviewed by everyone's favorite chinchilla again. Sorry, dude. I get distracted easily by shiny things.
Back when we were kids, our parents would sometimes decide to just go somewhere. If it was going to be far enough away that an overnight stay might be needed, we would pile blankets and pillows in the back of whatever car we had at the time. My dad was a wheelin'/dealin' sort so it could be a hatchback, a Jeep woody, a Suburban (that backfired for several seconds after the ignition was switched off), or a hot rod oldies car. You just never knew. Well I don't remember what car we had on this trip. It might have been a station wagon or a Jeep, but it took forever. My brother and I were around 12 and 14 when Dad decided to take us on a drive. We drove and drove past cow fields and broken down barns and all matter of things. After hours of driving (and complaining from the backseat) we arrived at the destination Dad was so thrilled to take us to. Now, what might excite your teenage children beyond reason? That's right! A dam. Apparently not just any dam, but a dam worthy of having a small scale model of itself housed in a small building just yards from the actual DAM. To say the least, we were dumbfounded. There was massive eye-rolling, huffing, pouting about this less than wonderful sight seeing. But, the silver lining is the way I can now make my mother pee in her own pants just by starting a dialogue about the dam. Like so:
Me: Hey Mom! Remember when we took that dam trip?
Mom: (starting to crack) Yes.
Me: How many days did it take to get there?
Mom: Days?! It took a few hours, Heather, not days.
Me: Oh, well did we get any postcards from the dam gift shop? Because I would like to remember that dam trip and especially that dam scale model.............etc, etc,etc
I feign enthusiasm for the dam and all its dam appeal. She laughs until she cries. I guess it was worth it. Dam it.
Anyone who is familiar with me knows that it takes quite a bit of doing to get my blood boiling. Normal formalities don't drive me as crazy as they drive some other people. But today I was hot. HOT.
My son is ready to take his learner's exam. I (being the queen of organization) have misplaced his original social security card. Paperwork was filled out and sent in to get a replacement. A few days later it was sent back. They needed my identification because I had signed the paperwork. OK, no problem. I made color copies of my driver's license, my own social security card, and my voter's registration card. FRONT and BACK. Sent it back. It was returned again. So I decided to call their offices and find out exactly what I needed to do to make sure he received a card. They don't accept copies. No problem, but I am not going to mail my actual Soc. Sec. card, driver's license, or any other document. She adds they will also need id for the boy. A current report card (with his date of birth PRINTED on it), an insurance card with his name and DOB printed on it, or a school id with his name, photo, and DOB on it.
WTF. Tell me how does identity theft happen in this scenario?
Did I also mention that their offices are only open 9 am to 4 pm? Not a huge inconvenience for me (unless I have to drag my firstborn in with me ---those are school hours), but consider what the average Joe/Jane would have to do to get in during that time. We are talking about taking a day off work, getting there, realizing you don't have everything, taking another day off work to try again and so on, etc. And these are necessary everytime you try to get any id. Madness. I understand the need in theory, but it really pisses me off in practice.
Did you know that I live in a neighborhood? Well, I do. Before we moved here, I lived in a bedroom community. That means that even though I had grown up with most of the people who lived near me we did not interact on a regular basis. I knew the local grocer and my way around town, but it wasn't a close knit feeling. Our next door neighbors were RELATED to me and they rarely spoke to us unless we had parked in their way. Save for my mom and my best friend there wasn't really anyone to lean on for those things neighbors lean on each other about.
When we moved here our neighbor Jenny brought cookies. She introduced herself and her family. When we go to the park, we are likely to run into more than one person we know and the kids all play together. Even friends that live outside of walking distance are neighborly. We shuffle kids back and forth from house to house depending on who needs to do what. There is no formal agreement to watch after anyone else's children. We (at least in my mind) are a village. We lean on each other, knowing when our need comes there will be someone to lean on. That really floats my boat. For all our modern conveniences and whatnot, we still need what generations before us needed. And it is reassuring to know that such values still exist in such a wacky world as the one we live in.
Thanks!
In the last few days I have accomplished a variety of things. Some have been intentional, others have been accidental. In no particular order, here they are:
* made certain a registered sex offender in our area showed up in our database. (he had fallen through the cracks of the system and was not featured.)
*tracked down a junior high school teacher, emailed her and told her how she had positively affected my life by noticing me and including me.
*emailed a college professor to touch base and remind him of how much he was appreciated.
*made my cousin (who was in Florida and only on the telephone) regurgitate by simply explaining the definition of the word dingleberry.
*eaten a box of chocolate chip cookies and a box of grasshoppers.
*eaten chili on a seventy plus degree day in JANUARY!
*taken my oldest for his first of two job interviews.
*passed by the ice cream shop fully intending to go in and order, but then changing my mind.
So I am sitting here, with a pile of books fresh from the library, a new CD playing in the ol' pooter (thanks to OMOTM) and I am as bored as a person can get. I am almost drooling in my lap.
The books are true crimes. I have read one and a half and I am already burned out. But my favorite authors haven't spit out anything new lately and I am faltering in what I should choose. I thought I would teach myself to knit and I promptly shat on that idea and buried it in a box. That miracle will have to wait for quiet times and patience (all in short demand in the casa Porterfield).
So here is what I want from you, dear blog readers. Give me some ideas about what you are reading, what is interesting, your favorite authors... I would like to branch out and explore the world outside of my little domain. I absolutely adore humor and real people based books, but I am open to whatever you throw my way.
Sock it to me people!
Raise the window listen to the rain
I'll be your pillow rest your head on me again
Here in the darkness
let the lightnin' flash our room& smell the rain
it's in the air like sweet perfume
Make sure the cat's in don't worry 'bout the dog
We'll let it rain on him
throw another log on the fire
I live for times like this
Wind blows the trees & they make shadows on the wall
Cool midnight breeze feel it coming through the hall
Earthquakin' thunder shakes the roof over our heads
Sleep taking wonder keeps us turnin' in our bed
We've got each other & a soft blanket to share
The rainy weather washed away all of our cares
I live for times like this
I live for times like this
Wishing away time with my children..... when the time will fly by already. Shame on me. These days will be gone too soon. I will be left with the memories. They will have lives and I will be the nuisance. Kisses, sweet babies. Mommy loves you.
F-R-I-E-N-D-S
Thanks to all of you who graced my door with your presence and good company today. I am so grateful to have begun yet another year with each and every one of you as friends. Our family is fortunate to have you all.
HAPPY NEW YEAR!!
