Please do not read todays post if you are already sad.

I am sad today. I was happy this morning. Nothing bad has happened in my family. Everyone is well. But I am still sad.

The View had a special today about adopting out of the foster care system. There are so many children that need good, safe homes. I always thought I would be one of those people. But I didn't marry a man with the same views in that area (he is no less a good man, but he isn't up to that challenge.) Then I realized that I may not be up to it either. I spend portions of my day wondering how I can be shed of my own children. That realization coupled with the overwhelming number of needy children makes me sad.

I went to Walmart for a few things this evening. On the way, I noticed the cemetery man again. Just seeing him makes me sad (even though I have seen a couple of ladies there talking to him on two separate occasions.). But on the way home, I drove slowly, considering whether I would stop if he was still there. I had seen him there on a rainy day holding his umbrella over the flowers on the grave and it nearly broke my heart. As I drove past, he was still there, sitting by the flowers. He leaned over, kissed the gravestone, and laid down on the ground. I cried. There was no way I could intervene with good conscience in that moment. Maybe I shouldn't be concerned at all. But I feel as if this a test of my personal constitution. I don't believe we are tested by higher powers. We aren't that important. But I believe we test ourselves. I don't know if I am passing. It doesn't look good tonight.

I count my blessings for each of you who care about me and mine. I care deeply for all of you and hope you are well tonight.

Love
Heather