2011... twenty years

This was initially supposed to be a post around the first of the year. But I haven't really been plugged into my community in the last few months.

This year will be my twentieth as a mother. So much has changed in two decades that it is surreal to look back and compare then and now.

For instance:

Then: I had never carried a child inside my body. Never nursed a child. Never been fully responsible for a life, including my own.

Now: I have had three beautiful children. My child bearing days are over. I will never again be a biological mother or nurse a child. I am more likely to be a grandmother.

Then: Life revolved around my interests and desires. High ranking issues included music, television, school crushes, etc.

Now: Life revolves around things beyond my control. Safety for my family, food, shelter, instilling values and compassion in the little people I must soon let go.

Then: I had no nieces or nephews. I was a niece.

Now: I have one of each. I love them unconditionally, like my own children, and wish I could see them more.

Then: I had a brother. But no clue what it would be like to lose him.

Now: He is gone and I can't even call him and tell him how much I love him.

Then: I believed when I had children I would have oodles and they would love me because I was super cool and could be talked to about anything.

Now: I have kids, just three, I couldn't be less cool, but they still love me. Just wish the big one would talk to me more.

The last twenty years have flown by. The next twenty will likely go even faster. Tonight I will pop the corn... watch the movie... savor the time.