How to get worked over by a teenager

First you tell them something that is irrevocable. You stress how irrevocable it is. You really make it clear. Then you wait.

Months later, confusion will show its head. There will be a story about something Dad may or may not have said and how it might have been translated. A girl will have been invited to her senior prom. A mother's guilt will take over.

Then you will tell your teenage son that he may go to the prom he had been forbidden to go to because of his devil lies. BUT you hold your ground and insist that even if there is a pre or post prom party, he may not go. He may take the girl to dinner, but if she wants to party it up outside the perimeters of the prom, not our problem.

Then you spend the rest of the evening trying to make the son feel guilty. It does not work. Hang head in defeat, walk away.

;0)

Slow ride home

Apparently the slowdown on I-64 this evening during my ride home was due to a body being found by the interstate inside a trash can and duct taped.

The story is here!

Vacations are heaven, travel is HELL

We returned from our long awaited vacation on Saturday evening. Our travel time was approximately eleven hours.... with two children under the age of 10 in the backseat. Making barely audible noises, fighting, farting, telling bad jokes, fighting, sniffing, being hungry, and overall driving us up a wall. We had a great time at the beach and have decided our next family vacation (Aurelia says we will go to the desert) will be taken by plane!

Top Ten Porterfield Field Trip MUST HAVES

10. Snacks----easy to eat, minimal mess, munchies... the kids like cheese sticks, cereal, bread, and anything manufactured under the Little Debbie brand name.

9. Comfortable clothes.... no crotch eating jeans, no hot shoes. It's gym shorts and worn out shirts all the way....

8. Simple packing... it all has to fit in the trunk and I don't really care how that happens. I have never met a wrinkle I truly hated and I don't believe I'll start now.

7. Leg room... goes with simple packing... NOTHING can be in the leg room... it must all fit in the trunk...

6. Functioning A/C.... I know when we were young the windows could be rolled down and the air would flow through our hair and we would feel so much COOLER, but I am flying across several states at 60-75 mph and I want to be cool for real...

5. DVD player.... kids are like drunks in d/t's after a couple hours with no visual stimulation save for the roadside livestock and dilapidated buildings.... thanks heavens for the digital age.

4. Map.... preferrably directions, a sense of direction, or something remotely kin to those things would also accompany an actual paper map. GPS is great when you can figure out how to use it, where you are in relation to whatever it is telling you, or if you haven't wandered off the face of the planet accidentally.

3. MP3 players, audiobooks, playaways, crayons, .... necessary for the under 10 crowd to secure their safety.

2. Potty breaks.... I have an iron bladder...I work in an office where the only bathroom is reached through two locked doors, a keypad, a padlock and climbing over yard equipment... but I need me a potty break.... gotta stretch the legs... breathe that polluted highway air... be tempted to sit, but always squat....ahhh... the beloved rest area...

1. D-R-A-M-A-M-I-N-E...... in any form, under any brand name, Dan the man must have this wonder of the drug age, lest we should be forced to adhere a chuck bucket to his face with a heavy duty adhesive (aka DUCK TAPE). No one wants to see the man get motion sickness... and he has been sick on a drive from here to Charleston (which is about as straight as you can get in the hills of West Virginny). TWICE....

We will be enjoying our extended family time with four generations under one roof... Many pictures will be taken and shared.... Have a happy Spring Break!!